The countdown continues

[Awoken]

Wow, I think a week is the longest I've gone between posts here.

I've been overwhelmed by the amount of stuff to do. I thought that the week without the kids would give me more time to get stuff done, and it's been the opposite really. Likely, it's also the time of the year: end of the semester work to do, more gigs with spring. I ended up with a pile of stuff to do every night after work.

I almost have no time to GAL; Really, once the dust settles (and soon I hope), I need to switch these priorities. Right now I'm dealing with putting the house in order, getting a refi in place, trying to push the details of divorce through, keep my business going, and a dozen other things.

It was tough being away from the kids for an entire week, although I've done it many times before when I'm away on gigs. This is different somehow, and I wonder exactly why? I spent a lot of time telling myself that is was just like when I was out on the road. I was a little frustrated because the apartment that W got does not have good cell phone access, so I can't reach my kids like normal. I usually talk to them everyday, and I couldn't all weekend.

It's odd, coming here and reading the threads of the newcomers, and realizing I've reached a place where I'm not dbing at all anymore, and wondering what I'm doing here on the board now.
I need to make more contributions to others here!

[FindingMyVoice]

Hey hi Awoken, was just about to log off and saw your post. Can't stay on my computer at the moment but wanted to say hello. Glad to hear you've been busy, keep working at those GAL goals! PG.

[Sister]

It was tough being away from the kids for an entire week, although I've done it many times before when I'm away on gigs. This is different somehow, and I wonder exactly why?

I think it's different because you are usually away from home and this time you were at home - where you normally expect them to be. You wouldn't expect them to be with you when you're out of town. One of the many things you'll be adjusting to, I'm afraid. It doesn't seem right not being able to talk to your kids because of the cell phone reception. I wonder if that's something that could be addressed through the lawyers?

Hang in there and be thankful that you have plenty to keep you busy - it just might make it easier. Your mind can't wander into those bad places when you're busy.

[FindingMyVoice]

I agree with what Sister said! I'm so sorry you're missing your kids. That must be very difficult. And don't feel like you don't have a place here anymore! I think you deserve the support now, as much as you did before. If you find value in continuing to post, I know there's lots of folks here who'd be happy to listen, and share their experiences with you, and help support you as you navigate this new stage. And of course, maybe it helps you heal to help others going through what you went through. I know they'd be grateful for your support. I sure have been. Anyways...that's just my opinion. I know you'll do whatever it is that's best for you!

[Awoken]

small update:

I spoke with my lawyer yesterday. She told me that my W's lawyer expressed frustration with my W, saying that she doesn't appear to know what she wants in the divorce agreement and is confused.
My W has been telling me (via email) that she hasn't been able to reach her lawyer at all. It's looking like there won't be enough time to close on the refinance before my rate lock expires, and then I may no longer qualify.

Last night at 2am, I wake up to my beeping cell phone. W has sent a text message saying "I really miss you, and I'm so sorry".
She still has power to pull my thoughts/heart back in and I found myself all morning thinking what if she wants to pull out of the divorce?

Right now, I've decided not to respond to her text at all. After some weak moments, I realize there is little point to hoping for a marriage that is dead, hoping for a woman that treats me this way. It's hard, because I am still grieving for the destruction of my family the way it was.

Any thoughts, friends?

It's again odd, and predictable. I thought I was well on my way to move forward, and once again I'm pulled back.

[Coach]

She told me that my W's lawyer expressed frustration with my W, saying that she doesn't appear to know what she wants in the divorce agreement and is confused.

W has sent a text message saying "I really miss you, and I'm so sorry".

Stay very alert - could be real remorse or trying to get you to soften up on the legal side.

Think thru what it would take for you to want to reconcile. List it out, be specific, think about now and long term, and think about what is best for you.

Stay detached - it allows you to think and subdue the emotions.

You are being watched. The more cool, composed, confident and decisive you are the better for both of you.

Decide what you want in a marriage, wife, lover and partner.

You can handle it.



Cheers

[FindingMyVoice]

(((Awoken)))
Sounds like you've made the right choice for yourself, in not responding. Take time to get in touch with what your feelings and thoughts are around her doing that, rather than just having to react to her and her feelings. What do YOU want for your life now?

[Awoken]

Think thru what it would take for you to want to reconcile. List it out, be specific, think about now and long term, and think about what is best for you.

I've been bouncing that around my head this morning. Basically wondering if I would even want her back at all. This has been pretty hard on my kids, and I can see the clear evidence of the long term DAMAGE divorce causes.

Just in case (and I think there is very little chance of it) she is having second thoughts, I need to sort out what my feeling would be.

Thanks Coach, you are right: list it out, and be specific!

[Awoken]

I'm wondering, is it the right thing not to respond at all to her text?

This question is not coming from my typical obsessive place. Last night, when I received the text. I turned my phone off, and went right back to sleep! Even now, I think my main concern is not to anger her further so that it doesn't interfere with the divorce settlement. She still has some place in my heart, but I'm certainly more detached from her than ever.

My concern now is not "what is she thinking! do I need to respond or not! will it save my marriage and help me db?", and more just wondering what my normal response should be. Right now I'm just going with my gut and ignoring it, but I'm curious about what my friends here think about it.

[Awoken]

(((PG))) thanks as always!

I've ready to move on with my life, and get to new and exciting things. I'm worried about my kids, and that makes sorting this out a little difficult for me. MAYBE that shouldn't be a direct concern.