"Your H... well, we know he has really serious issues, right? In his head, I think he has to blame you for everything, or it will explode."
Hi Jeff, Thanks for posting to my thread. Your quote above made so much sense to me that I really have to take it to heart. I know in my head that you are right, and all. But, it still hurts to have someone who claimed to love me -- and still claims that he did once love me -- to hurt me so badly.
If you don't mind me asking, can you be a little more specific about what you meant by "serious issues?" I mean, I think I know what you mean, and that phrase is always used as a be all, and end all, but most people use it in very vague terms. I'm saying, what exactly were you saying?
I went to Vocational Rehab (where they help people get back on their feet) this morning. The counselor wanted to know about my physical and emotional ailments. When I mentioned that I had gone to counseling for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, she asked about it. Of course, I had to tell her about his shenanigans with prostitutes and other women and how I was driving back and forth to work for 4 hours a day, and crying everyday.
You wanna know what her reaction was? She said, "It seems unreal to me."
I told her that it WAS unreal, that it is "surreal." And that's what it felt like, and still feels like to some extent. I've gotten to the point in my healing process where I don't think about him every waking moment anymore. And when I do think about him, it's usually of some specific memory where he was literally betraying me. (I can often look back now and see the truer experiences he was having).
I was just reading on another thread, I think it was Lolal's thread: "Volare...hey! ohwoh...Cantare, wohwohwohwoh..." how some of the gals there still think about their ex's, I think it was JCJ, Lolol and BobbiJo. Although they never post to my thread, I still feel connected to them in certain ways. I guess it's because we all have feelings.
