Quote: Shoot right now they are LOOKING for ways to cut payroll, I'm not making ANY waves!
With this being the case, are there any ways you might be able to not just "not make any waves", but be able to take on some added responsibilities? Maybe to learn some other jobs there that might make you less vunerable to any possible payroll cuts?
Just a thought!
JJ
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Off and on I am working with my boss to learn some new stuff, really need to buckle down harder and work on it more though, would probably also make me feel better.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Now I am wondering do I feel that I am so unlovable that David can't possibly love me or say anything nice about me? Not that he would post anything nice as that isn't why he is on the bb. But I got home and saw his thread had a bunch of posts on it, then checked and he had posted right after I finished chatting with him at work. I don't mean I looked at his thread I mean I looked at where he last posted.
So my immediate ASSumption is that it is about me and that it isn't nice.
Am I afraid that he will say something that will make my friends on here not like me anymore? Is it because my two closest friends turned on me last year after listening to David talk about me?
I really do HATE all of these mixed up emotions and feelings.
Good thing I did a lot in the house last night as I have a feeling tonight is going to be a go to bed early night or nap on the sofa with the shelties night!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Ok, I decided not to take the easy way out and go to bed but to try and do something productive.
Today really hit my problem of not dealing well with certain of my emotions. To me the one today was very definitely self control, as in lack of.
It was not only mental but physical reactions as well, but my thinking becomes unclear and I am agitated and take the agitation/frustration out on someone close to me. Not necessarily physically close but someone I feel emotionally close too.
I shared with David that it is like a two year old having a temper tantrum. Lovely way to feel about yourself don't you know.
So I don't like how the way I respond to the emotions makes me feel about myself. Therefore I am working to come up with steps to deal with them in the future ON MY OWN, WITHIN MYSELF!
I don't believe right at the moment I could sit and meditate, I need to move when I feel that agitated. Well I am tied to that desk all day, my boss would more than likely cover if I said I just needed to walk for a few minutes.
After some physical activity I believe the next step would be to try to meditate, the calm waters seems to really hit me for self soothing.
Once I am calmer then I need to start questioning the thoughts I am having: Are these rational? Are they strictly emotions bubbling out? Are they ASSumptions? What are you thinking exactly and why are you thinking that, do you have proof, is this true?
So game plan in place for future occurrences.
1. Try to do something physical
2. Meditate
3. Question the thoughts that are going through my head
4. DO NOT EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO HANDLE MY EMOTIONS FOR ME
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hey Pam...you still up?...If not...Good Morning!!!
Just logged on...long work day for me, but productive!
I had a thought for you:
I can TOTALLY relate to the NEED to move when agitated. There were a few times when my anxiety was REAL bad and I had to PACE...I mean around and around the house (good thing we have one of those living room, hallway, hallway, kitchen, dining room, living room circuits...it's a little frightening when it happens...freaked CJ out for sure.
Here's my suggestion:
Have you heard of a moving meditation? It's where you MOVE, but stay exquisitely aware of the mechanics of each movement, slow them down, focus on the tendons and muscles moving, the textures, the pressure, the air flowing around your limbs...
It takes you into the NOW...without having to sit still.
And hon, worry not, David is not trying to poisen us against you...what he shares only helps to flesh out the picture and gives us even MORE help in responding to you.
Hi Shiny, That sounds really cool, I am definitely going to try that the next time I feel a bit agitated. Heck, I may try it today just when walking to the back after coffee just to practice!
I don't necessarily think David's intention was to poison my two closest friends against me last year either. To me that isn't David's style, but it is what ended up happening.
Hey Sage,
Your post keeps staying in my head . In a good way I think. So yes, my h is on the bb and I think it looks like he has handed out some good advice.
Why isn't he taking any of his advice? Why is he still avoiding me and not showing any interest in communicating with me at all? I guess that is what I don't understand and frustrates me.
I think JJ posted a great idea on communication, but David never responded to it. At least not on the joint thread where I could see his response. Actually he asked me to go ahead and start that thread and the only time he has posted to it was when I asked him to post about the computer problems at work.
So I think I am feeling some hurt and some frustration and reading the first chapter of DR and then the questions just sort of drove it all home to me.
I do agree about being on the bb surrounded by friends! Wish I wasn't feeling wary of that now with David posting.
I also agree you have started a kickA$$ thread to work through DB'ing!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hi there, trying to get caught up, always a challenge with you! What I'm trying to do this week is to just not call H. The other night was hard, I was upset and he was always the one I turned to, but I didn't want to do that. I keep that push/pull thought in my head--I push him, he will pull further away. So, now I'm watching a lot of junk tv with the sleep timer on at night, but I haven't broken down yet, see how long it lasts. Can you go without calling David or IMing him? Make him wonder. Make him begin to miss his conversations with you? Maybe force you to find and use some of the great suggestions here to work on the emotions. I like the slow movement meditation, that sounds pretty cool.
Actually that is one of my thoughts this morning. That he is no longer a part of my life and to start moving on without him. I don't mean for me to push the D through or anything like that, no reason too as I am not wanting to start another relationship right now.
I hope I learned that at least, it is not a good thing to start another R before dealing with the junk from the last one!
Just trying to accept that he isn't interested in being a part of my life and move on without him. If he decides he wants to come back then see where I am at that time.
I don't know how capable I am of doing that, but it is one of the ideas I am kicking around.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
) and be back here later!