The Good Soil Of Love

[Concerned_Listener]

Doc, Naej, Matilda, Jak, & DB Friends,
In Mars & Venus, the author writes about how important talking is to a woman. We do seem to fit some of the gender conflict struggles he writes about. It feels great to have someone validate that.

I'm trying to be more willing to be a listening partner, even when I don't feel like it. I'm trying to be less of a roommate and more like a caring spouse. I'm trying to be less selfish about my time.

My W called the other day, concerned about her mother because she found a bug in her bedroom. She didn't know how to advise her mother. I allowed myself to be interrupted at work, and spent 20 minutes on the phone with her and gave her a thoughtful response. It helped her to make a decision later in the day she was comfortable with.

I chose to go to a dance lesson (I really wanted to be there) versus drive my W downtown to a dance venue I don't like. She called me after the lesson, and we hooked up for dinner. We've been going out for dinner several times per week. I don't like eating out as much as she does, but I've decided that I can give of my time to her.

She wants me to take swimming lessons, because she worries about me on vacations. I've procrastinated with this issue for years. I'm going to sign-up for some, because I should address my fear of water (are you surprised?). I'm going to dialogue with her to make sure we're on the same page, and that she doesn't expect too much of me.

I'm trying to take last week's episode as a stronger wake-up call that I need to increase my connection with my W even more, and have a plan for consequences if either sleeping elsewhere or inappropriate behavior with a male companion occurs again.

Our dance performance at the studio is this weekend. This would be a good time to practice the guided imagery that Doc is talking about--imagining myself having a good time performing our routine with my W, versus worrying if I'm going to screw-up.

CL