As for some dBurt fun, I"m thinking something physical/active, that you can do OUTSIDE of the home, sans the Princess. Motorcycle? Nice mountain bike? Golf or fishing or hunting trip with some male buds???
damn flooding around here, will be a while until we can go fishing, golf sounds good. Somewhere other than our club. Old roommate wants me to come up to his town and play, I should give him a call.
IC said she is has learned this from her parents as her father was very stable, stayed at the same job for 30 years, while her mother's money was "fun money". She is a very black and white person, whatever she thinks is right, is right to her, and nothing I can say right now will change that. We have a plan to loosen her up. Money came in today, he recommended to break it up into small installments, more like a paycheck to ease her mind. Then he said we can start to work on how she sees things, may not be so black and white.
I think the IC gave you good advice. I really don't think the $$$ has anything to do with your sich. It is just the trigger or stressor. If you hit the lottery it wouldn't make any difference. Just MHO.
Money came in today, he recommended to break it up into small installments, more like a paycheck to ease her mind. Then he said we can start to work on how she sees things, may not be so black and white.
Yes, but it is not anything that you can control. She needs to work it out inside of her. A year and 1/2 ago she wanted a D. WHY? Whatever you answer, was that REALLY the reason?
The money represents security. She is needing to feel secure because earlier in her life she did not get that security. Her inner child and outer child have been in conflict. I think that your marriage will survive, however you need to continue to DB and do "what works". I said earlier on your thread that we are married to the same women, I still believe that.
Do you think that this influx of cash is going to make a big difference in your M?
I think this first influx is a band aid. I paid all of our bills last night and had them all on the counter for her to see. Let her know that I am taking care of everything. The other job I have been working should start producing in about 45 to 60 days. That is a large amount that I could draw from and all of this is going to be done so that insecure part of her will be taking care of.
She had a moving target when the bomb dropped. Said I forced her to perform sexually when she did not want to, finances, and then all of the script of nothing had ever been good, married for the wrong reasons, childrenn only good thing that has come from it, etc....
But things were really good this past summer up until this last little episode.
I do not know what else to do, other than making her feel secure. ie, I took over the responsibility of paying the bills because I know when money is coming in and she does not. Going back to our monetary based budget system where she knows how much money she can spend per month. And, getting to a point where I can draw more of a salary from my businesses, then just to take what is needed.
This morning she asked if my money came in, I said yes, as I sat there with bills that are paid up until June. She said, "good job".
If it is more than security, I do not know what else it is. I can kind of follow you, until you get into that inner and outer child. What else could it be.
I can only repeat that it is not anything you can control, it is much more complex than just money and security. That is the part that you can see. A lot more is going on inside.
Just stay on your path for now, keep an open mind. Be there for her and when she has resolved her issues, you will have a strong marriage.
