I truely appreciate everyones input here. I have already read much of the info that is here before I even posted and I really do understand where I need to put my focus. The deal is I really though I had focus on myself already before this. Of course like anyone else in retrospect I can look back and find areas where I have lost myself. It seems that in both marriages I have lost part of myself and who I am. I have several issues I am trying to work through. Before I married my current H I would go out dancing and had lots of dates and would occasionally go out with friends. However I have never had lots of friends especially female. I would not consider myself a bar person. Most of my life has revolved around my own interest and family. Not just my immediate family but my sister, Mom, etc. This is where I really enjoy being. So I find the GAL portion particularly difficult at the moment. I hate that H goes out and comes home and I am always there. I feel a real need to just go somewhere and not come home so that at least I do not feel that he thinks I am just waiting around for him. I am so torn as to the fact of weither I should still try connecting with him or if I should just stop trying. He always wants to talk to me when he gets home. So last night I ended the conversation saying I was tired and went to bed. Normally I would have stayed and talked as long as he wanted.
Really, I know I will be fine no matter what happens, sometimes I just feel it would be easier to just throw in the towel and move on but deep in my heart that is not what I really want. To me that would be the easy thing to do. Any thoughts are appreciated.
