W just informed me that she's going on a trip to the beach with "friends" tomorrow and likely staying the night. I didn't have much time to think it through and went solely based on that article. It said to personally define what actions will be taken but feel free not to share that with your spouse in total detail. So I said "It is not acceptable that you go on an overnight trip with a group of friends that includes a man you may or may not be seeing, but regardless is someone I don't know and is by all definitions harmful to our marriage. If you do this, I am just letting you know that my behavior in our relationship will change dramatically."
She immediately accused me of threatening her and hung up on me shortly thereafter.
There was convo before and after that statement of my boundary where she claimed once again that I am over reacting and that these are just friends. She blamed me and said her behavior that seemed dishonest was because of how I act anytime she goes anywhere with anyone.
I have to tell you, I don't feel any better having set that boundary. I did do it calmly and the way I think I was supposed to, and hopefully I will do what I said. If she goes on this trip, I will immediately suspend all "normalcy" in our marriage. We will parent together, put on a good show for the boys but after that, my interaction will be cordial, nothing more or less. That will be a HUGE change in our M since I tend to be taking care of her a lot, and tending to her so-to-speak.
We'll see. I am 99.9% sure she will go we we'll see if I have the stones to do what I need to do.
I am still not sure this is DBing or even what I want but in the moment, after SOME thought, it seemed true to my innermost feelings about things.
