LolaL, I'm with you. I never answer if it's the X. Even more fun than that is listening to voicemail say, "Your first message is from X," and then hanging up without listening. I don't do that all the time but when I do, it's a blast.
Originally Posted By: LolaL
it feels almost like a weight has been lifted.
Oh, yes!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
It does feel good. But sometimes I still miss the person I married, before he became the SG. I suppose I always will. It is still funny, though, that the bounce back from hearing from him is faster these days. I don't think of him now more than I do. I remember wishing for the day that an entire day would go by without me thinking about him, and although its not that close yet, its getting pretty close. I have so much more out of my life now that it makes me wonder why I married him in the first place.
I have grown so much, become more aware of what I want. What my needs are. That is not to say that I cannot appreciate someone elses, but I can appreciate my own. I have become more cautious, and learned to listen to my inner voice.
But sometimes, wistfully, I still wish that this person I married would miraculously (sp???) reappear. I know that won't happen, or that the odds of it are very slim. And honestly, I am not even sure it would make a difference now. Most of the time I think that things would not change, the very thing he said to me, and that I would end up going through the very same thing in a year or two. I am not a glutton for punishment. I will not put myself, nor the Tween, through that again.
In the long run, I really don't think it is worth it.
But sometimes, I still miss him.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Oh Lola, I feel the same way...I don't always say it bc those who have already 'healed' sometimes question why I would still care about him at all, but I do...
I am glad you are able to bounce back and recover more quickly. The part about growing and knowing yourself better is something I can totally relate to. I mean I'd rather not have gone through this, but I definitely am more aware of my wants/needs from a relationship and from my life in general now...
BBJ, I know the feeling. Sometimes I question why I still care about him. And then sometimes, I don't care at all.
LOL, last night I was watching as my Tween is starting to become a teenager, she is starting to hang out with friends in the evening outside, stuff like that. And my first instinct was to call the SG, not that he would care, but even after three years sometimes he is the one I want to share it with.
Instead, I sat back and marveled at the teenager she is becoming, enjoying the fact that she is socializing better.
And I think to myself, is it just easier for me to revert back to the "I still love the SG" phase to avoid really getting out there again? I know that I am not ready, and have accepted that. But sometimes I wonder if I am ready, and an avoiding it all so I don't have to deal with it.
I know at somepoint I will, potentially, meet someone and these silly questions won't matter anymore. Still, I know there are things I need to let go of so that I don't carry them into another relationship.
What happened to the easy days when you could just say f*ck it and move on? LOL, all of a sudden we become so over analytical, and I realize this comes with maturity.
But sometimes I miss those days...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I just think you have to know yourself. If that means analyzing, well then, so be it. Everyone wavers back and forth so don't ever feel bad about doing it.
I mean I know I don't want back with ex and just last week at our daughter's concert, I nearly grabbed his hand. It's a habit, not what I want.
It took me about a year and half after the divorce to feel good about dating or the prospect of it. Everyone has their own timeline. You will be glad that you waited until it felt right.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Oh Lola, I feel the same way...I don't always say it bc those who have already 'healed' sometimes question why I would still care about him at all, but I do...
I have resolved myself to the fact that I will always care about my STBXW - even after I heal. I poured 100% of myself into this marriage and there will always be a part of me that is connected to her. Sure the intensity of the caring will fade with time, the part of my heart that still longs for her will shrink, but I simply don't see me ever not caring - regardless of what she did. I think the "healing" part for me is recognizing this and knowing that it doesn't mean I want her back and that I am ready to truly move on in my life.
My IC summed it up this way: When you got married, you were 100% committed to being married. You view(ed) your H as the only one you would love and spend your life with. So it is not surprising you still have lingering feelings toward him, it just means you genuinely wanted a life with him. Even if that is not going to happen and you know it, it doesn't mean the feelings disappear...
[/quote] but I simply don't see me ever not caring - regardless of what she did. I think the "healing" part for me is recognizing this and knowing that it doesn't mean I want her back and that I am ready to truly move on in my life.
BA [/quote]
I really had to take a minute to ponder this statement, because I think that is exactly how I feel, but couldn't quite put it to words.
One thing I really just realized I was doing was still worrying about what everyone else thinks. I am divorced so I should be dating. I should be getting out there. I should I should I shoud.
And it really occurs to me that I honestly do not have to answer to anyone. Just because I have not jumped into another relationship doesn not mean that that I am still holding out hope that the SG will cchange. But its not even that. I don't really think about it anymore.
For the longest time I have kind of been a hermit because I am so tired of answering questions that frankly I dont want to answer. I like my solitary time. I am not much of aparty animal.
So now, I know I need to bet more active, and I really have to figure out what I like to do.
Huh...
Ramgling...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
