Long time no 'chat'. Sad to hear what you are going through
It's really hard to get past the things they said and did when the M was bad and the A's happened. They DID break a promise they had made to us. Losing that exclusivety in a R is heartbreaking.....and to be verbally diminished by them lives with one a long time. I still have issues with it confidence wise. They have left one sort of half brainwashed with all that sh!t they said.
As you know, I was like you and the sexual side of things had diminished prior to A etc. Like you I have ensured that side of the R has been a lot better. What I would say I have noticed though is that my H likes to be the initiater/ pursuer. Perhaps you need to sit your H down and talk to him about how anxious you get about getting the balance right - explain that when too long goes by you worry that he might be looking elsewhere. Acknowledge that that might just be a hang up from what happened before so it would be great if he just was the one to initiate for a while, ( and you need to be careful not to reject when he does that), and see how that plays out. Say that that way it wouldn't be playing on your mind all the time, you would just be letting him take the lead - it doesn't mean you want sex less.....you just want to make sure you are not putting pressure on him.
Some men like the chase and the excitement of it......perhaps that's what the A's were about......so if you are just waiting to hand it out on a plate perhaps it isn't so exciting for him? Just an idea.
Still got my email?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
