Question

[awest1217]

More and More strange things going on so I am going to start at the beginning, Sunday and recap until last night.

1. Sunday I went to H's cousin's grad party. All of the extended family acted like they didn't know anything. They acted as if everything was normal and H and I were still together.

2. Tuesday night H freaks out because I am "pushing him away".

3. Yesterday...H had a cross country meet for his team of 4th and 5th graders. I have always been a supportive wife so I got S ready and we went to it. Now we missed most of the race because it took a while to get there after work and they get out 30 minutes before I do, but we made it. H was so happy to see us. Here is the strange thing. All of the teachers came up and talked to me like H and I are together. I was introduced to some parents by some of the teachers as H's wife (which I am, but strange). Then I hear from parents and teachers how H is such an awesome teacher, how it is so nice of me to let him stay late to coach, and on and on. It was extremely awkward for me and strange because we haven't been together for a year! Then H's mentor teacher started talking to me about what H, S and I were planning for this summer. This summer?!?!? We aren't together! Doesn't anyone at his work know that he moved out a year ago and hasn't moved back since because one of their ex-coworkers is continuing an EA probably PA with my H. The mentor knows what happened last year so it is surprising that she asked about our plans this summer. All very strange.

4. H, S and I went to McDonald's after the race becuase it was al ittle late for me to go home and make dinner and S wanted to spend time with H. H talked about how he wants to join a gym (one of his uncles on sunday commented on how much weight he had gained, like 30 pounds). He talked about running or biking, but still no talk about how he is going to fix things with us or finding an apartment or anything. Then when he leaves he cried because he was so glad that I showed up to support him.

5. I text H later at night because I got a good deal on the dress I had been talking about. It was 70% off and I had a coupon so instead of getting it for $30 like I thought, I got it for $20 and it was $100 originally. I also said how I am going to buy myself a movie becuase there is one i want and it is 50% off. I said how good things come to those who wait. H said he wished he would wait sometimes. Then started talking about how it was good I was buying some DVD's that I like because he learned in therapy how he never took my thoughts when buying stuff. He would buy DVD's and video games like no body's business without consulting me and then threw a fit when I bought myself two $40 shirts for my birthday. He said he was sorry for wasting all of our money on stuff for him and not thinking of me or sometimes buying what I wanted. IT was selfish of him. All his words. I said that I agreed and it was ok because I didn't mind when we would watch them together, but they aren't things I will watch alone. I looked at the DVD's H left and in a D, I would want him to take all but like 10 of our DVD's and we have probably 60.

MAN!?!?!?! What to think? There are so many ways where it seems like he doesn't want a D, but he also doesn't come home (I can't say he doesn't want to because we haven't had a R talk since March). I don't know what to think.

I am still just going about my business and living my life. This all just makes me think. I am planning on forcing a R talk probably in two weeks because it will then be one week before the end of school and I would like to know where he is at and possibly bring up what I have been seeing and find out his take on things like why no one knows he is not at home or why the newest coworker had no idea he has a son. Strange stuff and much to think about.

Really happy though because lately I am very content with my life and happy with where things are going so now I am on a look out because last time I was like this...the bottom fell out...