Coach, Yes, she's an adult and can make her own choices, right or wrong. Problem is, that sometimes when one makes the wrong choices, others (me) also pay the price. Sometimes, there are things that can be said or done to help people . . . even adults . . . consider other avenues they might not consider otherwise. But according to ya'll: Nope, nothing you can do, give up on that, move on to other things" . . .which seems like some pretty bad advice, and again, I've NEVER, in ANY situation in life whatsoever, seen where doing nothing was the best choice. And I have full intention of moving to other things I can control, I'm already doing it, actually. But I'm more than capable of dealing with more than one problem at a time.
For this part of my problem to use an analogy, it's kinda like being a mile off shore in a rubber raft and finding three holes in the boat. I only have two patches, and my friend says "Well fix the two holes you can control and forget about the other hole, ya can't do anything about it."
Well . . .I'm gonna keep trying to figure something out. And if I have Cel service in that boat, I'm gonna call and ask others if they have any possible solutions. Hopefully, I won't keep calling folks who advise me that "nope, ya can't fix that hole, might as well forget about it and pay attention to the other two patches until ya sink."
The reality is that the more problems that are dealt with, the more likely a successful outcome. I'm quite aware there are "other holes I can control more effectively." Near as I can tell so far, what I'm seeing is " I don't know of a solution or mitigation, therefore there must not be one, forget about it Bummed and just work on the other two patches"
In the other thread I started on a similar topic, I stated I had considered showing my Wife an article on how bad ones friends advice can be and why. Since it was written by a professional, and directly applicable to our situation, it might give her something to think about. I was told that would be a bad idea, since it would be seen as "controlling"
I'm not seeing that. It isn't like I'd Tie her up and make her read it. I've NEVER been asked to read something, even if it was something I didn't agree with, that I felt was controlling merely by virtue of being asked to read and consider it. Annoyed on occasion, yes, but did I feel like I was being controlled or manipulated? Nope.
Even supposing it was perceived that way, I find it difficult to believe that it would be something that couldn't be overcome, mainly by the reality that I'm not a controlling person, I think even my wife would get a laugh out of that assertion.
And reading this, even if it ticked her off initially, might sink in a little after a few days, weeks, or whatever. In a nutshell, I'll take my chances on a half step backwards today to gain a few steps over the longer term, possibly when something her friend says strikes a cord covered in the article.
On the first question: My first wifes friends advice? "Dump him" . . . She took it. She worked with these people, and from what I was told later, it was pretty relentless. One example that stuck in her former bosses mind, and I remember getting a 'weird vibe" when I made that call to her at work: I asked her to pick me up some dowels from Scotties (hardware store) on her way home (Yes asked, NOT told) I got some out-of-her-character defiant responses (turns out her buddies were listening) And I pointed out to her (yea in a semi aggravated tone) that she worked right across the street from the store (literally) And I'd have to drive twelve miles (24 round trip) to get them.
I just said "Fine, I'll gett'em myself then" and did admittedly figure she would get them anyway. Well . .she didn't, and made a special point to let me know that fact when she got home. I didn't argue back, I just went and got them. Again, I'm not a particularly confrontational person, particularly on little issues like that.
Her boss said they went on ALL DAY about what a control freak I was, "F83K him" "He can get his own dowels, you aren't his slave" etc. etc.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
