Ok, can't wait until morning. Here's what went down tonight when I met my W out for a couple drinks.
Regardless of what I may or may not want looking forward, I followed standard DB rules, and I made sure I was looking my best. She arrives and is acting very friendly. We have small talk about various things until I finally just ask her "So why are you suing me?" She gets serious and says she thinks the kids are not doing as well as they could, and that they need more stability. She wants them to start sleeping primarily at her house, in return she'll give me more time with them in the evenings when I'm not at work. She was spinning it like I would get more overall time with them. I was skeptical, but I listened and didn't react. I said I was open to being flexible regarding the kids, but I don't see myself giving up my custody, and no way would I make a decision right there and then. She dug her heals in, but it stayed civil and friendly.
Then she said "Let's talk about us." I said "Ok." She asked what was up with my flirting lately. I was puzzled and said I hugged her at the restaurant because I felt a connection at the kids doctors's appts, and that she looked sad. She said "I was sad." She said "I don't know what to make of it, but I'm attracted to you again. I'm not scared of you, and I think I'm strong enough to handle us again." I asked why, and she said "Because of how you've handled this whole lawsuit thing." I said "I didn't do anything" and she said "Exactly, there are a lot of things you could have done, but you didn't, you stayed respectful, and kind." I just nodded.
She said "You're nice again, when we met you were nice, then you got to be such an a**hole." She said "I really loved you then, and I've told you, that never completely went away." I said "I'm not sure why I was so stressed out, but I've realized life is too short to get stressed over unimportant stuff." She asked "So are you seeing anyone?" I hestitated, then remembered a past gucci post. I slowly answered "I'm kinda seeing someone." She smiled, but didn't say anything. Then I smiled back and slowly added "I'm a free agent though." She laughed. She reiterated "You seem like you're nice all the time." I saw an opportunity for a little playing, so I said "Oh, I'm nice all the time now, except when I don't WANT to be nice" and I winked at her. She playfully answered back "It's fun to not be nice at certain times."
Then I got serious, and I explained why I stalled on the separation agreement. I said "Something inside me just said I needed to get away from it all. I needed to go away from you, to heal." She looked sad and nodded. She said "I don't want to get legally separated any more, and I don't want a divorce." I was surprised and puzzled, and said "What do you want then?" She smiled and said "I don't know." I just smiled back. Then I remembered a DanceQueen post, and said something playful again, which I best not repeat here. She responded favorably, then she stood up and looked at me, came over to me and kissed me passionately. I kissed her back, and we actually made out in the bar for a few moments. This is the first time we've kissed like this in several years, and truthfully, a lot longer since it felt as good as it did tonight. I didn't react much though, just enjoyed it. She said "We are in a public place you know." I said "I don't let things like that bother me any more."
That was it, we paid our bill and left. She had to cut it short because our oldest daughter had a fever and she didn't want to leave her too long with a babysitter. She asked if we could get together again, and I said ok. We joked and were playful all the way out the door and to her car, where I hesitated, but I didn't kiss her again. I just walked away.
Wow, have I learned a lot over this whole nightmare of a situation. I thought to myself as I walked away "Can I handle her now? Handle her emotional bullying and manipulation?" I don't know. I do know I'm waaaaaay better equipped to handle it now than I was when we got married eleven years ago!
