So amazed at your efforts N8. Keep the self-discoveries and improvements for you and your life coming!
Thanks, Onthemountaintop! You deserve some credit for some of my progress, you know. You've encouraged me to think about things, and you've offered me a different perspective. I appreciate all the questions you've asked and thoughts you've shared.
You've encouraged me to think about things, and you've offered me a different perspective.
Encouragement can only encourage someone who is working hard to make sure that they either get a happy marriage or a happy future marriage. Your hard work with your IC and yourself will get you one of those happy futures...but I'm biased toward the first (:
*We worked on breathing for the first part of the session. Here are her tips: --breathe to the diaphragm --let your belly expand and contract (expand on inhale, contract on exhale) --breathe in and out through the nose --as you inhale, count to 4; exhale for the same. Try to work up to a count of 10 --work on relaxing major muscle groups (even try tensing and relaxing these muscles for 5 seconds each); start at toes and work up the body --watch for and be aware of signs of a state of panic: lightheadedness, dizziness, shakiness, and shallow breathing; when you recognize these, begin working on slowing your breathing --if you find yourself in a state of panic, talk to yourself. Say things like, "This is my anxiety talking. I recognize this feeling. What do I do about it? How can I begin to calm myself? Well, I know I can [slow my breathing, relax muscles, breathe deeply, or whatever works] *IC then changed discussion to some elements of cognitive behavioral therapy. She drew a picture for me that I'll describe (as there's no way to do an artistic rendering here) --she drew a circle --at the nine o'clock position, she wrote "situation"; at twelve, she wrote "automatic/immediate thoughts"; at three, she wrote "feelings"; and at six, she wrote "behavior." She drew an arrow from situation to thoughts to feelings to behavior to situation. In the center of the circle, she put a dot (which she came back to later). --She asked me imagine an unpleasant situation. I said it would be unpleasant if H and I were unable to reconcile and divorced. --She asked me what were some automatic/immediate thoughts when I considered the unpleasant situation. I shared some fears or what I considered to be the worst-case scenario. --Next she asked me what feelings those thoughts evoked and how I felt when I considered those things. --When I answered that, she asked me what behavior might result from my feelings. --Then she pointed out that my behavior (which resulted from my feelings, which resulted from my automatic/immediate thoughts, which were triggered by my situation) would then impact my situation, and the cycle would continue. --Finally, she came back to the center dot. This dot represents any preconceived ideas or life events (ideas about/experiences with relationships, marriage, family, communication, parenting, childhood, etc.). The dot is in the center of the circle because the cycle can revolve around and be impacted by our "issues" or "past." *After describing this cycle, she said it's possible to change thought patterns (which, of course, can change brain chemistry) by working on either the cognitive part (the automatic/immediate thoughts) or the behavioral part (the behavior that results from feelings). *She said that a place to start is to keep a thought record. You can imagine a situation and then work through your what-ifs. Write down possible outcomes, and then examine ways to either change your thinking about the situation or change your behavior that comes from either the situation or your feelings about the situation. *My homework for the week is to work on a thought record about a situation or several situations. Actually writing out what-ifs and possible outcomes will make it easier to examine ways to affect the cognitive or behavioral process.
You've encouraged me to think about things, and you've offered me a different perspective.
Encouragement can only encourage someone who is working hard to make sure that they either get a happy marriage or a happy future marriage. Your hard work with your IC and yourself will get you one of those happy futures...but I'm biased toward the first (:
I guess I'm biased toward the former, too!
I have been happier since I've begun to do some true introspection, think about the questions asked or ideas given to me here, read about topics that can help ME, and work with my IC and truly understand the things I can control. It has given me a lot of peace to focus on being a better me. It has also improved my mental, emotional, and physical health. It's amazing what can change in such a short time!
