The story of us

[SDFoundGirl]

Let go completely. NO contact. When H and I were in an in-house separation, I treated him like a roommate. Didn't tell him where I was going, who I was with, or when I'd be home. Stayed out late, hung out with new friends, talked on the phone, IM'd people, hung out in my bedroom with the computer if he came upstairs to watch TV. Polite but living my own life.

Of course, my H was being Phantom of the Opera instead of the jerkwad your H is acting like. I would have invited him to leave the house if he'd acted like that and spoken not one word to him until he'd apologized and could speak to me with respect.

I lived my life, and my H came back. I realized I'd be fine and dandy if he wanted to pursue the hoebag he had the hots for, and I didn't need him for my personal happiness. I knew I'd meet someone else, and in the meantime, I was having lots of fun. In fact, I remember that summer as being one of the best on record for me. I found joy every day.

When you pursue him, he feels repulsed. Let him go wallow in his ugliness all by himself. Your H is the one who has cheated on you and been verbally abusive. I'm sure you made mistakes too and need to mature, but that doesn't excuse his behavior. He's blaming it all on you. It's called gaslighting...he makes you feel like you're the one who is crazy and has done wrong, and he is the innocent victim.

People have told you what to do, but you continue to ask, "What should I do?" Asking again won't give you a different answer.

Your H cannot be attracted to a doormat. He does not respect you because you've set no boundaries. It is time to put on the big girl panties and set your boundaries. Go live your life, and if H decides to remove his head from his rectum, you can tell him what you expect him to do in order to stay in the marriage. If not, you've worked on enjoying your life and finding your path without him.

Stop staying in a fearful place. You have already lost him, so the worst has happened. Act like a woman who knows her value, not like a woman who needs a man to prove her worth.

SD