I struggled with biting my tongue at the time but I do know that if I attempt to fix it for her she's not going to learn. How would she ever turn the corner if I don't allow her to hit bottom? Not saying it will be her bottom but it might be.
Not sure how to handle this. My wife spends quite a lot of time on facebook. I've noticed that she won't comment on anything that I put on facebook but she will communicate through every other avenue.
Today I said something to her about it. She said it's because facebook is very public and we're already sending mixed signals and she doesn't want them to become more mixed. She tells everyone already that we're friends and we talk every day so I don't know why this would be such a big deal. Is it possible the signals that are mixed are in her head?
I told her that if I wasn't good enough to be "seen" communicating with her, maybe we shouldn't talk at all. She didn't respond. I guess I will just stay quiet for now and see what happens.
D - you already gave yourself an answer "stay quiet"
I wouldn't challenge or question her actions. Their brains are so scrambled that they come up with some strange justifications that no one else can understand but them.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Well we ended up talking about it this evening. She IM'ed me to see if she could have the kids tomorrow. Of course I said she could. I asked why she was afraid of what other people think. She said she wasn't afraid but her issue was the perception would be that there was more than a friendship between us. That it was one thing to IM and text but a whole other to be on a very public forum. I brought up the fact that she's the one that has told everyone that we talk all the time. She relented but said she would be pissed at her family if they start harrassing her more than they already do about us getting back together.
I found that statement odd. At my request a few months ago, her family has made a conscious effort to not even talk about me and to go along with her when she says that we're not getting back together. Is she questioning things in her mind about us and projecting onto her family?
Last edited by D Money; 05/09/1002:52 AM. Reason: I suck
D, It's the guilt eating at her. Apparetnly every time she has communications w/family, she's feeling a bit of guilt and shame for what she's done. They don't have to say one word, but she knows what they are thinking.
She's projecting on to others because she cannot look at herself in the mirror just yet. She's been questioning things in her mind since the day the Mother Ship took her.
BTW, email, facebook, etc. are safe havens for them and they can communicate better using these tools because they don't have to look at us in the face or hear our voices. Why? personal contact makes them feel guilty.
Detach a bit more and allow her comments to roll off your back.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well I talked to MIL after church today. Got some interesting info. Apparently my wife's older sister (the one that was threatening to kill her last week) wants to go to counseling together with my wife. My wife reluctantly agreed.
I guess my wife calls her younger sister whenever she's drunk, crying. And yet she says she's not unhappy.
Oh, Mila, I know. When I type these things it makes it easy for me to see how whacked out she is. It reinforces the fact that I'm not the one going crazy.
Sorry to go back to two months ago in this quote, but it just made me laugh out loud...
Originally Posted By: D Money
2 weeks later she was contacting another ex-boyfriend from when she was 13 and telling her sister that their relationship was 21` years in the making. I just had to laugh. You can't make this stuff up.
D Money, I just became aware of your thread/sitch and I've been reading and am impressed, although My H is a male your W a female, with all the diffs that come along in there... to see the similarities.
My H used to sit at the same lunch table with OW in high school - a FEW times, mind you... and they both say they've been 25 years in the making... she actually told me that - in a nutshell, my LIVING WITH him day in and day out for 12 years is nothing compared to the 25 years they've known each other. Ridiculous, isn't it? They may have said two words to each other 25 years ago and then no contact since HS until his reunion... and suddenly, it's a relationship a quarter of a century in the making.
I'm going to read the rest of your thread on my lunch break, I'm enjoying seeing the nuttiness of your W that so closely matches my H's MLC. Sorry you have to do this, but it's good to inject a little laughter into it.
