Wait for him to approach you in person about M or D...
You get up and say "oh, I have something for you from my FT..."
YOu get up, you find it in your purse... act like its no big deal and take TIME FINDING IT.. dont rush to get it and wave it at him or anything like that.. casual.. always casual
You get it and put it on the talbe in front of him...
You tell him its from the FT...
and tell him if he has any quesitons aobut fixing a marriage or how you feel he can ask the FT. Tell him you made a commitment to the FT you would'nt talk to your H without the FT involved to help.
I want to come up with somthing like...
"Our FT told me getting myself or anyone to talk to you isn't fair to you and that you should talk to him direclty, HE is the only one who is trained to properly help us... everyone else needs to BACK OFF"
I am HINTING that OW needs to back off too.. but I don't think saying it at that time would help...
He will get the hint anyways...
He will also feel SAFER...
Just put the card on the table... let HIM PICK IT UP on his OWN
HE needs to take ACTION and HIM pickin gup that card is a big step for him...
Do NOT make a BIG DEAL about him pickin gup the card... just ignore it...
Your FT can write whatever he wants on the card that he thinks will be inviting for your H... you and your FT can talk about that on your own...
My opiniion here is that you should just put the card casually on the table and tell him its from "our FT" and change the subject.. go to the kitchen to get a drink so you aren't even watching him when he picks it up.
Each time my wife wanted info that was constructive I put it on the table and walked out so she could read it safely wtihout me hovering...
If you put the card there and WATCH him its BLATANT PURSUIT.. don't do that.
Just let him pick it up and handle it all on his own.
Talk to your FT about the best script for M or D talk.. feel free to share the samples above with yoru FT for his/her input. I think it should be a simple cut off that leaves your H feeling safe to talk and a strong warning to NOT allow interference from third parties into his marriage.
Third parties rarely help a marriage, most do a LOT of damage. I made a promise to our FT that I would not involve a third party in our marriage other than him. If you want to talk about M or about D, he's the best person to go to... I promsied him I wouldn't talk to you directly or involve anyone else...
Somthing like that maybe.. its a subtle shot at his affair again... but it is worded to make him invited to talk to your FT
