Just checking in - please let us know how you are doing.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
expecting and/or waiting for a thunderbolt to hit him in 3-5 years from whence this started and hoping he will be standing at your front door with a bouquet of flowers saying, "Honey, I'm home. I made a huge mistake".
lol, now that would be wonderful!
thanks you all for keeping me in your thoughts and checking in on me. i'm here and have been keeping up with your posts as they come...re-reading them several times. last week has been a whirlwind (well every week for the last year has!). went from being depressed to a lot of R talk (i really didn't want to but we were stuck in a car together for 4 hours! and he kept wanting to hear how i feel)...to a couples vacation where i seriously just wanted to die (none of the other couples know our sitch)...to some change in H where he's back to being super nice and tender again (he'd been withdrawing for the last few weeks after telling his family).
i'm not holding my breath anymore but seriously, i mean SERIOUSLY, why doesn't he just get it? even through all this, we're getting along well, there is "connectivity", so much hope for a really wonderful renewed rel'p.
i've been having all these thoughts/doubts of if it's an MLC or not b/c some stuff is so classic and then other stuff isn't. i mean who knows, maybe he really is just a WAS who was really hurt in our rel'p and just disconnected. maybe he's just so depressed he can't see beyond his depression. maybe i can say maybe, maybe, maybe until i just go nuts!
ultimately i need to focus on myself and stop thinking of him but i really feel like something so good is being thrown away. i can imagine you all shaking your head at me right now...like "she just doesn't get it, does she?" and the truth is, i don't! i have been praying a lot on this and i want to accept what is ultimately best for me (but clearly i'm in denial).
so "trying" to detach but it's not there emotionally. physically though, i am spending time with friends, doing some things for me, and planned an extended trip to europe this summer post D.
where he's back to being super nice and tender again (he'd been withdrawing for the last few weeks after telling his family).
Stay the course, keep doing what you're doing.
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i've been having all these thoughts/doubts of if it's an MLC or not b/c some stuff is so classic and then other stuff isn't. i mean who knows, maybe he really is just a WAS who was really hurt in our rel'p and just disconnected. maybe he's just so depressed he can't see beyond his depression. maybe i can say maybe, maybe, maybe until i just go nuts!
Does it really matter what you call it? Just plain effing crazy if you ask me.
Keep making this about you.
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ultimately i need to focus on myself and stop thinking of him but i really feel like something so good is being thrown away. i can imagine you all shaking your head at me right now...like "she just doesn't get it, does she?" and the truth is, i don't! i have been praying a lot on this and i want to accept what is ultimately best for me (but clearly i'm in denial).
What's written in bold tells me you get it.
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so "trying" to detach but it's not there emotionally. physically though, i am spending time with friends, doing some things for me, and planned an extended trip to europe this summer post D.
Give it time. Good for you as far as the trip goes!!
I agree with trapt on every point. It really does not matter what you call it. You are getting it and it does TAKE TIME. Just remember that YOU control the timeline. You control how long you will feel this way. You may not see it now but you will realize that you can control how you feel.
Enjoy your trip and please keep us posted. We are here for you.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
i completely forgot to mention that last week, H was in a major accident...his convertible was totaled but he walked away with a minor scratch. after seeing the car, it's really a miracle he wasn't injured more. at first he treated it like no big deal...he didn't even call to tell me what happened!...but i just kept telling him that i was glad he was ok. went to the hospital later just to get everything checked out and he kept saying how he felt like he was burdening me cause i came. but i told him i wanted to be there (which i did!) and again that i was glad he was ok. he woke up in the middle of the night and was like if the accident had happened two seconds later, the car would have hit me on my driver side and i could have been dead. since then, he's been processing and decided that he's not getting another luxury car. he feels like it was kind of a godsend that the accident happened and a lesson in his ego. i've been listening and validating and it's since this accident that he started being really nice and tender to me again. from his end, lots of joking around, spending time, talking and opening up.
i'm not holding my breath (as i've learned from past experience) but just trying to reflect his mood.
feeling numb...almost to a point where i'm not sure anymore i want to be with H. i've been thinking more about our sitch and previous history and i think my H is a runner. not sure i would want to stay with someone like that long term so maybe there is hidden blessing in this.
i'm not giving up but for the last few days, reflecting.
btw, all your advice on R talk....uh yah, you're right! had to backslide a few times to get it knocked into my head.
I know the feeling. This is probably the result of the realization that this is really happening to you. Embrace this feeling - it will help with the detachment. Just remember that it is a feeling dear and feeling have a tendancy to change.
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almost to a point where i'm not sure anymore i want to be with H.
This my dear may be fustration. Fustrated that you cannot change things...fustrated that he does not see your changes..fustrated that he can't see what he has in you.
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i've been thinking more about our sitch and previous history and i think my H is a runner.
He may be a runner - IDK BUT just like he can run from you remember that he can run TO YOU! If you keep the focus on YOU and you really try and become that person that you yourself would never leave then you never know what could happen.
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not sure i would want to stay with someone like that long term
Interesting reflection....cause you may be right about....
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so maybe there is hidden blessing in this
what could this blessing be? Could it be a new YOU? Could it be a new M? What could the blessing be? Have you consider that maybe you can control what that blessing is.
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had to backslide a few times to get it knocked into my head.
We all backslide and make mistakes. Almost everyone on these boards has done EXACTLY what others have said not to do. Knowing this cut yourself a little slack. This stuff is really hard. Not many people have the fortitude to deal with this - you though DO!
Keep reflecting...keep examining YOU...keep searching...YOU will find what you need inside of you. It may be painful right now - it may be very difficult - Have you ever seen a diamond that comes directly from a mine? It is pretty nasty looking. Dark, dull, pretty much looks like shirt. The interesting thing about diamonds is that after you cut, buff, and work on for a while you end up with a wonderful looking stone. Consider yourself a diamond dear. Consider that right now you are cutting and shaping the diamond. Will it be round, square, will it a marquise - what shape will the diamond be after all of the WORK that YOU but into it? You Pandora control this. You are the diamond cutter.
Keep your head up..
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
