Gucci, I understand the point you are trying to make. I followed your advice, it failed me. My W did not respect me more, she expressed more resentment and confirmed her decision to leave.
You certainly haven't followed my advice. For one thing I haven't given you MY advice in total on what would work for you. You are ASSUMING what my advice is. I gave you one piece of advice that you haven't taken. So, no you DO NOT understand the point I am trying to make. I have followed every word of your thread. Don't tell me you have followed my advice when you have not. That is a lie.
Here is my advice and WHY? That is.. YOU need to initiate a conversation. (did you do that? I told you a day or so ago that is what I would recommend) The reason is that nobody on this thread knows what your wife is thinking. The last we know as far as the marriage goes, is that she told you she WOULD NEVER FORGIVE YOU...
Since that time, it has been YOU that is reading into what her actions are. You are assuming things that may or may not be true about her feelings and actions. You don't know and I don't know. This has nothing to do with patience. Why?
Because we are trying to READ into things that we don't even know are true. For all we know she may be glad that you aren't arguing and she is just trying to keep the peace until the apartment her dad is fixing gets finished. (and she DID say something to that effect once or twice)
So IF THAT IS TRUE, then you really are NOT making any headway. She is just keeping the peace and hasn't changed her mind one little bit. Secretly she may be thinking she can't WAIT to get away.
She could also be thinking that she wants to stay and work it out. That is another guess by anyone. Why?
BECAUSE she hasn't SAID that. The last think about your marriage that she spoke about is that SHE WAS DONE. Right?
So you are assuming an awful lot of things that may or may NOT be true. There are plenty of red flags here that you don't seem to want to view as negative. A woman who is working on her marriage doesn't take her ring off and on depending on her mood for the day. She tells you she loves you. She is kind. She SHOWS you she wants to be with you by ALL of the little things she does. Your wife has done no such things.
What? Sleeping together in bed now equals that she has changed her mind? You obviously want to forget what she told you only a few short weeks ago.. Didn't she say she would NEVER forgive you and it was over?
So, you can "hang in there" for as long as you want. It isn't going to change the fact that you are only guessing here. I showed you only 4 of the twenty plus men on this site that are doing it with that method that isn't working. You can deny that as a fact, but it doesn't change that it is reality and is a fact. Please show me the "hanging in there success story's" You won't find many, if any.
You need to initiate a relationship talk something like this..
"Wife, I have been doing some thinking. I know you have told me you are done with our marriage and you would never forgive me. I understand it if you still feel that way. I want to know if you still feel the same way because I don't want to keep trying to show you how much I love you if you want out. I just want you happy. So, with that said, do you want me to leave you alone and stop trying to be the man I should have been to you a long time ago or not?
THEN WAIT FOR HER RESPONSE... SHUT UP.....
You can't know where you are going if you don't have a map. You are GUESSING. You are HOPING. You could be WRONG.
Now.. Where in that advice did I tell you to kick her to the curb or tell her that you were not going to give anymore?
Sometimes initiating a relationship talk is NEEDED. This is one of those times. Stop guessing and take charge. You may find her saying that she doesn't want you to stop what you are doing. You do however need to give her the freedom to make that choice. If you don't it only means you are still trying to control her by not saying an thing and will let it go on forever just as long as she does not leave you. That is FEAR and control talking. That isn't love and freedom of choice. Give her the freedom to tell you how she feels about what is going on NOW. Then be ready to deal with her answer.
