Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[Vulcanized]

Now I feel bad about contacting OW on the dating site. I haven't met with anyone yet but I am in friendly emails with someone.

Take things as slow as you need to. There is nothing wrong w/being friendly w/AW. But should things progress further, meeting in person, etc, then you should be honest w/your date.

I will also tell her I have been on the dating site. I have always been honest with her. Maybe if I open up to her about this info, she will open up about her episode.

No, no, no. Telling W, under the guise of being 'honest' seems like a bad idea to me. To me, it comes across as weak, needy and manipulative. If you are on the site b/c you actively want to date, or see what's available, then you are doing it for the right reason. If you are doing it as a way to convey to W that you are moving on, you take the power out of the action by telling her about it. It seems to cement W's position that you will wait around for her as long as she wants.

If you have to announce that you are moving on, then you really aren't. You move forward by making the best decisions for you, w/o factoring W into the equation. I mean this in ways that do not concern your kids.

If your w has OM, or is having A, then it is safe to assume that you don't factor into her decision making process. Maintaining a healthy emotional distance, making choices based on your needs and wants is the way to go. You will not regain your W's respect by telling her that you are dating. You will get her attention by letting her find out, on her own, that you are dating.

I will lead, be confident and listen.

Good. Let your W do 90% of the talking. Be calm, cool, collected. If your W asks what you are up to, be vague, be brief, and get her back to talking about herself.

Good luck!