I totally get the desire to run away. Your W may have noticed this, too without realizing that she is part of the reason you feel that way.
Has your IC suggested a way to balance your feelings (reality vs self-blame?) You're going through a lot of tough emotions so your feelings are quite natural - getting down on yourself or giving up to avoid pain might not be helpful.
Good luck, man. Get through today and make it the happiest you can honestly do. There's an Islamic belief that God never gives a trial to someone greater than they can bear. Think about it this way...if you are going through this trial or 'punishment' for past sins, you CAN bear it. You ARE strong enough.
