How do you deal with the HATE?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

No it is a serious question.

Are you mentall ill?

Better yet...

How did you feel with me asking you that?

Willing to bet that 'upset' was the nicer way of the terms.


Because suggesting to someone that they are having a Mid Life Crisis...is alot like saying. "I think you're [censored] nuts. How could you not want me?"

And I'm not sure how many people crazy or otherwise would agree that there might be something wrong in their noodle.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Maybe I am. But for 20 years it worked OK.

It probablly won't be ok if you want another 20.

You're an LBS now. Left Behind Spouse, and the successful LBSers are the ones who realize they should change too. What don't you like in yourself...are you too bossy? To controlling? Look deep in the mirror, and be honest with yourself...really honest with yourself, work on killing the things you don't like in that mirror.

[kickme]

Thanks for the info about combining threads, I almost forgot about them. (OP)
I have a new MC now- the last one did not beleive MLC'rs come "out of it", he only wanted to judge current behavior, I wanted to look down the road. He did make good points tho.

Yes, I am a god fearing busy body. I work all the time and have accomplished much. Think Martha S on crack. I like being me, I built a pretty good life for myself (and an Ed.S degree out of thin air,) but you guys are right, I do need to change.

He wanted that kind of person, when we were young. I constantly was trying to figure out how to make him happy. Now, I guess he wants to be more "in control". According to IC, more in control of me. What was attractive at first, can become the worst hated trait of a spouse.

[kickme]

example. He does not like to be called names. I used to do this (out of frustraition).
I have not called him a name in 8 weeks (like stoppin smoking..) I only seem to get more of his anger, instead of praise. (whaaaaa?)

I emailed out my calender (he wants to be in the loop more). He crucified me for not gathering his info first and putting it on my calender before sending it to kids. (that is why I sent it out in the first place!)
He litteraly said I was belittling his role by not writing in his info! -- he can write in his own info-- fercrying outloud.

I try to do well, seem to be getting my buns kicked for my effort. (changeback behavior?)

[kickme]

what is that jumpy thing with the text box???

As far as MLC goes, without this sites information I would have checked myself into the hospital, because I was sure I was going crazy. Thinking back it all makes better sense.

I do not understand why he is mad that I AM DOING WHAT HE IS ASKING. It is had to shoot when the target moves. (NPI)

thanks for reading. I.am.about.to.flip.out.

[fisherman]

I have a new MC now- the last one did not beleive MLC'rs come "out of it", he only wanted to judge current behavior, I wanted to look down the road. He did make good points tho.

Regardless of whether or not he believed in it, I feel he had the right idea.

You should be living in the here and now instead of trying to look down the road.

[fisherman]

I only seem to get more of his anger, instead of praise. (whaaaaa?)

Ever stop and think that he might be frustrated because you ARE changing the game a bit? Just because you're met with anger dosen't mean the changes aren't good ones. Follow me?

I try to do well, seem to be getting my buns kicked for my effort. (changeback behavior?)

We can't answer that.

All I can say is this.....

You should be changing for you and only you. Be better for YOU!

All this back and forth stuff tends to lead me to believe that you are trying to change him with your changes. (figure that one out )

Be better for you. That way it lasts and you come out ahead no matter what happens.

[kickme]

I am trying to change. I do not understand the anger and resentment at my accomplishmetns.

I know he is really really angry. (altho he says he is not)
I know I am really angry, too.

I thought the new items (cleaning up my side of the street) would be seen better. I did not expect all this criticism.

My question is, Is this unusual? (When you first realy change I mean.)


It seems that I have held the high road most of the time, I have been putting things into the "recovery". But I am seeing agression back.
Confused.

[Cadet]

I know he is really really angry. (altho he says he is not)

There is nothing you can do about this.

I know I am really angry, too.

You can control YOU. This is where the detachment comes in.

Do you need the detachment link?

Have you read the resources? Do you need the links?

Take the focus off of your H and put it on you.
You are going to keep hearing this until it sinks in.

[Truegritter]

Kick

Here is the detachment link:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

I will add only this to what OP said:

Take the focus off of your H and put it on you.
You are going to keep hearing this until it sinks in.