Hey joshguy, You don't have to do anything to lose respect in this situation. While in the affair she may notice things about you that never where a big deal, this will become the focus and in the end she can end up hating you and not respecting you for something SHE did.
Its crazy and how these things turn out many times. Its why alot are saying the "be the better option" approach is not that successful. You do this and the 180 for yourself.
Hey DLS, by "affair" do u mean the sitch? Or an A? Before moving out I had pretty well ruled out an OM. And if I ever asked if she was seeing someone she would get upset and say "it just can't be about you can it?!". Today is going to b tough, it was 4yrs ago today that we met. I'm trying to avoid a sappy email or txt, even though today was a big one for us. When she says that she doesn't even know if she wants to be married "in general", that worries me. Are you saying that sitchs like mine don't normally end well? I know she can trust me again, heck I was in an R where I was lied to a lot more, and I was able to trust again, so I know it can happen. It just seems like she doesn't have any energy left in her to dedicate to our M. She has been re-writing history, saying I even betrayed her on our wedding day, I was shocked! I pressed and asked how, she the said "well I guess you didn't". She is just looking for any reason to justify, not that I haven't given her plenty. The face that she still wants my friendship is the only thing giving me hope right now.
It doesn't take alot of energy to maintain a marriage. Its about the same energy as maintaining a "best friend". Obviously she wants to be "free", but what these WAW don't realize in marriage they are "free", theres just a few things they can't do.
Good point, before I moved out, she commented that our friendship had never been better. And that was true! We were getting along better than ever! But these first couple weeks of separation seem to be making her colder. She did say before I moved out that she was having a much harder time with all this than she thought she would. Hoping my copy of DB comes in the mail today!
I disagree that it doesn't take a lot of energy to maintain a marriage.
I was saying it would be pretty much programmed in your subconscious that the marriage and marriage partner are at very high priorities. There would be things you automatically do ( outside of breach of trust or affair ) as a result.
It seems like the best thing I can do is focus on our friendship for now and stay away from any R talk. When we talked R on Sunday she said it was only pushing her away. The fact that she basically moved up the decision date worries me. I'm not sure how to buy more time on that one. She seems very driven to get this over with. And it doesn't seem like she has completely thought it through, more like it just seems easier and will take less energy for her to D than try and trust again. I have let her down so many times
Some of us would worry that making the M realm something she wants to put on hold or not think about means that there is an OM somewhere. This is what they usually do.
When they have an OM, you will let them down many times, because they won't enable you "to win".
It would be impossible for me to say there is no OM right now, but before I left I snooped big time. I checked her emails daily, FB daily, texts daily, and phone records daily. There was no pattern at all. If there was an OM, I would have seen something. I dug DEEP. And she doesn't want to put it on hold, she actually wants to speed this up! But I want to buy time, maybe even try that Retrouville place. But I'm not sure it's a good time to mention that one. I'll have to do it soon though because their nxt retreat is 6/11. One week after our 2yr anniversary.
