Where we are: W has broken off A with ex-boyfriend (last contact about a month ago (“few more things I had to say via text”) – NC in place since then).
She has started a new job a few months ago (after 10 years as a SAHM) and she’s really made that her focus – have talked to her about wanting to figure “us” out, and she’s agreed to MC (did see our MC once as an IC session) but hasn’t gone yet together (typical weekly cycle – me setting up appt and she agreeing but then 2-3 days before the appt, cancelling due to work stress/too busy/etc. – has “agreed” to go next week “for real”, as I’ve told her I can’t see me being able to get past the A without it).
I have been seeing MC as IC during this time (when she blew off the visits), which has been helpful, but I’ve told her I can’t optimally do this work alone and that at some point, her not doing MC together will become a “dealbreaker” for me. We’ll see if she actually goes with me next week (makes her very anxious/nervous, is a very “private” person).
She feels like we’re “piecing” this together and that it’s going fine, but I still feel like the other shoe hasn’t dropped yet, and haven’t felt like she’s done much of anything to try to show she’s trying to reconcile/repair the M. There’s still some discomfort/tension between us (for me, with a lot of these issues in the air and her not really focused on “us”).
Part of this, for me, is that W has told me that she’s chosen the family unit/life and not so much *me* (and she is not in a place that she can be physical with me, needs to try to see if romantic feelings for me will “come back”)…we are more generally affectionate.
I have told her that I can try to be patient here but at some point I won’t live in a “roommate” marriage anymore (we have 2 boys, age 6 and 9). I have also told her that I need to feel cared by for me, not me as a father, breadwinner, etc., and need to get my needs met.
Any advice on how to get her engaged would be appreciated…know you can’t “make” anyone do anything necessarily, but at a loss to figure out how to start moving her toward me (am GALing a bit (but probably not enough) and doing what I can to keep the house together/make it easy for her to focus on work).
