H4L, thanks SO much for that!! You are SO right--why for GOODNESS SAKES do we bend ourselves into PRETZELS to see their (nutty) POV???
Lord, PLEASE let me detach and see the humor! The C's said it would be the BEST thing--to laugh in his face. I was all like "but that is so disrespectful!" but they said it really would be helpful. I am so glad you chimed in here and reaffirmed that!
After this a.m.'s conversation I think I will go back to insisting on having my S to myself on Mother's Day. For one thing, it was very disrespectful. For another, I have to drive 5 hours on Sunday (they live 2 1/2 hours away) to have Mother's Day with his family.
So this a.m. he asks if we can talk in a very subdued, non angry way. I said sure. He says he just can't do this any more. He's tired of being angry with me, tired of paying for things of mine (went through the credit card statements and found haircuts, nail salon charges, my dog was at the vet's three times and it was a very large bill, etc), tired of me doing nothing to help the relationship (yeah, should have inserted laughter here but AGAIN because it was "different" he threw me).
He said he was going to see a lawyer. I said "OK". I am so detached, this doesn't phase me at all. Plus, well, I smell freedom at this point and my life will be much better anyway and honestly, as a Christian, if he files I will have no guilt that way either.
So he gets angry, and I know this means pretty much that the above was to get a reaction out of me and it didn't, so on to anger.
He's angry I didn't continue with the first C. I don't know if I posted this here, but one of the reasons I stopped going was because I developed a lot of feelings for the C. Also he was expensive, and another thing was that my H was giving signs he was "done" (he is not the type to go to counseling long term AT ALL) and I was going a lot by myself. Hence the feelings for the C thing.
BTW, the 2 Cs I saw yesterday said they NEVER do counseling without the other because it happens ALL the time and they've seen many a pastor/conselor get involved in an affair this way. I totally see how it happens too. He was SO positive with me--I'm smart, funny, beautiful--all the things that a person needs to be "built up" so I have SOME confidence because my H certainly doesn't do that right now. And of course I am sex deprived and the C is EXPLICITLY telling me how to use my body to get to my H.
I mean, I told my sister about it and she wanted me to just tell the guy--that he had probably heard it a million times before and probably knew how to stop it in me. But I was too embarassed--but I digress...
So...I told him and he called me crazy and stormed off. It's fine--obviously he has to take some time to digest that one.lol.
Do I need to say AGAIN how much I love detachment??! Now I just need to find the humor ALONG with the detachment.lol.
I went out and had a lovely walk and you know what? No matter what happens I am in a fabulous place in life. I have never felt more peace and joy on this weird journey.
