Another good day between me and my wife...but still texting going on between her and OM. I'm not saying anything to her about it because it has blew up in my face everytime before. Maybe if I can manage to keep my mouth shut, she will eventually lose interest in this a$$hole and come home to stay. Our relationship seems to be improving even though I know what's going on behind the scenes. She was shopping for sexy lingerie for our vacation that seems to be full steam ahead again, so I guess in my mind that is a positive. She has been flirting with me more lately and making little comments here and there with sexual undertones, which seems like the way things used to be. Maybe this is a sign of recovery between us, because before she totally was not doing any of the flirty stuff like she is now. I hope I'm not being setup again!! I don't know what effect it's going to have, but my hope is when we take our vacation to Jamaica to the resort we were married (it's called Couples Swept Away by the way if anyone is looking for an absolute fantastic get away) she will realize how I feel about her and her marriage is worth saving and we can grow together again. My fingers are crossed, but in the back of my mind I'm waiting for something bad to happen knowing she's still texting OM on her prepaid phone.
Watching this board is tough. Seeing these situations appear over and over. Puppy, I don't know how you've done it as long as you have.
Dan, you're teaching your W that she has nothing to lose. Your situation is so similar to how mine was a couple yars ago. She will not spontaneously give up her EA. Why should she? You are taking all the blame, letting her do what she wants, and still giving her the best of you. I don't think you should go on that vacation under these circumstances. She doesn't deserve it, and even if it goes well from your point of view, how can you know she's not secretly wishing it were OM with her, not you? She's texting the guy 40 times a day. You can't ignore that! The sexy lingerie, the subtle undertones, all indications that her A with this guy has her puffed up with sexual "swagger". Realize that her showing it to you is not indicative of anything to do with you.
How you feel about her is irrelevent to her right now. The only thing that matters is how she feels about you. The more you supplicate her, the more you convince her to "go for it" with this other guy. You've done nothing to indicate there will be any real consequences. I was absolutely shocked in my situation when I realized that my W reaching out to me was just her shoring up her backup plan, to lower her anxiety about pursuing her A. Each time I responded favorably to her overtures, she got that much closer to OM. It was infuriating! I see the exact same thing going on in your sitch.
Don't underestimate the power of your M, the power of your shared kids. Don't be afraid of calling her out. Take away her backup plan. Make it crystal clear to her that you will NOT tolerate this, and that the consequences will be dire! Of course it "blew up in your face" each time you brought up her texting OM. She wants to do it, and she wants you to let her. To draw an analogy to the wild, she'll snarl and bare her teeth and put on an impressive show to try to get you to back off, but it's all bluff. She wants to intimidate you so she can have her way, don't let her.
