I wanna start by saying that I have been "spinning" your stitch a lot. I really think you have a solid chance here. Maybe I have more hope than you.. still don't quite know why you seem to be on the top of my thought list these days.
"would have said, yes...progress!, until this very depressing chat with H. I feel that I will give myself a pat on the back for some progress. But, detachment to where this didn't REALLY hurt, nope, not there."
I don't expect you to be detached from this situation.. for at least a month or two. The idea is to define what "feeds" you. I have some other ideas to expand our "learning experience" but right now I want you to concentrate on building on these little things. You come first right now. I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to "quickly" remove your mind from the situation. You cannot control where "this" is gonna take you. By being "fresh" (rested,"fed") you allow yourself to see opportunities to redirect things. If you react to a situation in an "Emotional" state most of the time you "feed" into the WAS's idea that they are right.. and you will never change.
I have often used the "GPS" idea. You know the little things you stick on the windshield that tell how to get somewhere. Well if you use them enough you understand that they don't always pick the best way.. or the fastest way. So.. you find yourself at a stop sign.. and it is telling you to go right. You know that left is the better route. So you turn left. It keeps telling you "turn around.. make a u turn". After a while.. it has to "recalculate".
Getting your WAS to "recalculate" to me is the general idea you need to create. Lets be clear.. it worked for them. With the words "I am out" you started "recalculating" everything. If you get stuck "recalculating" you will never go anywhere. You will wander around aimlessly cause you have no directions.
Imagine for a second if that GPS threw out every "path" it came across while it was "recalculating". Turn here, go left, back up, straight. You would think it was broke and most likely take it back to the store to get your money back. You would certainly want to end your "relationship" with it!
Don't be a "broke" GPS. "Recalculate" quietly.. find the best path.
"Had some fun without H. He was out of town. Not blah, my kids were amazing to me! They don't even call me the (old) Queen when they are playing castles and knights, I am their PRINCESS! They rock!"
Somewhere in there I missed your H did not attend. For some reason I thought you had a card for you from your H and he attended with the boys. I will have to re-read that. See where I screwed up.
"This is something that we both agree about and have NEVER fought about $. We've been on the same page since day 1. We don't prohibit each other from buying anything, no permission needed or anything like that. We're just both very reserved about spending. H balances the checkbook and I pay the bills, there are no secrets, we're both online in the account several times a month checking on things."
Honestly.. this is fantastic. Money can now be ruled out as having any effect on this M.
"He was very uneasy that I was not falling apart and kept saying he wasn't sure I really was hearing him. So I reframed what he said and made it clear that I knew exactly what he was trying to tell me (mostly so he wouldn't make me hear it again!!!). He wanted a response after all of that."
"I just told him that it didn't really matter how we got "here" or how long we have been "here", the only question is what are we going to do about it. This is where we're at right now, this is what we have to deal with and I don't care to sit up all night and try to talk about the past. He actually seemed relieved at that."
That seems like some solid stuff. Very good. If you stated it to him as well as you did here.. bravo! Maybe you should have asked him if he understood what you were saying.
"If it is a gift from him, then he should do the planning. We'll see what happens."
Don't expect anything. Again.. very good. I am impressed.
Keep doing the small things.. at least for a few more days. I want you to take it up a small notch. Don't focus on people at work. Focus on more "random" people. The clerk at the convince store.. the person taking your order.. the person bagging your groceries. Again.. this is to test what you "Love". See if you get more "happiness" from the more random people. It does not have to be 6.. it can be more.. it can be less. Again the idea is for you to monitor what "feeds" you. You are so "reserved".. or clouded in your posts.. it gets hard to "see" anything.
"He now claims that he likely never was in L with me. Yep, he's decided to rewrite history!"
You have to know.. from everything you do in RL.. that when people are "done" they are "done". What still has him "recalculating"? He is a big boy.. he can leave any time he wants. Why is he still "there".. creating "drama"? Can you see why I really harp on getting you "Ready"?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
