Maybe that it is it June and Al. Probably is. There are days I feel "content" and days I want to start crying but cant. I cant cry about the past anymore, funny huh? It's like "I dont have tears left anymore".
I am trying to focus on what WOULD make me happier. If I dont know what it is, he cant give it to me.
I need more discussion. I need to talk the A out of my system with HIM, not you guys, not my GFs, not myself. HIM.
I need to hear "I love you" from him
I need to live a symbolic gesture, wear a wedding band, throw away her gifts, move his stuff home. All the above actually.
I know what works with him and I dont do it all the time. Yesterday when I left home, I left a tiny bar of chocolate on his briefcase with a post it note saying "I do love your voice you know?". Because we made love and I didnt hear ONE word again. ONE [censored] word. Not even "turn around!1" LOL
So I come back, he is home early and shows me the note and says, "what is this" and I tell him with a smile and ever since he was loving and touching and tender with me...
One thing I cant get over is the fact that he took the lead and used so much energy to fool me to be with her but wont do the same to try different things with me. I need to be the one doing it.
He is home today. With the kids. Yesterday we had a good time together. When he is around, things are better. K
