Email is better if you can't control your emotions, but if it were me, I'd keep the intel source and learn to control myself.
It sounds to me like you need time. What is it that makes you keep going back to get hurt? Is it the need to know, or the need to hurt yourself? If you believe you are to blame for some of this, perhaps you're trying to punish yourself by continually snooping?
Instead of thinking about him, try looking at yourself, try finding out why you're doing what you're doing and feeling what you're feeling. Why are you in a bad place right now? I mean, really why? Is it b/c you don't think you can be without him? Well, what would make you begin - just begin - to see that you can be? Do you need more skills? Is he your fix it man? How about taking a free class at the local home store? Is he your shoulder to cry on? Do you have a friend you can go to instead? How about making new friends? Do you have an outlet for your pain? A counselor perhaps?
I am not familiar with your situation, but what I'm suggesting is that it's weakness on your part to not be able to snoop. Don't worry, I'm not passing judgment, I did it constantly the first two weeks or so after finding out. Then, as Puppy did, I cut it to once a day and now I've only done it one time in two weeks. It's not telling me anything I don't already know - H is cheating and lying to me - and learning the details is not helping me. Hearing her moan on a tape in my H's truck is NOT getting me a life and moving me towards a better place in MY head, it's holding me back... and I do not need to whip myself like that.
You are at a fragile place right now, and you need to take time for yourself and stop focusing on him. It's the hardest thing to do, breaking that tie in the beginning, but once you do it, it does get easier. Promise.
