rysmom's story

[MrBond]

2 x4 coming your way.

Seriously do you like all this drama you're causing? I think you just like the attention. Your H has denied it, you have no real proof of his wanting a baby.

Do your son a favor and get checked into a clinic. YOu are doing all this to your H and us to get attention. We get it. Look, let's face it, your sitch seems bad. All of ours did. Look at the posters on here whose spouse left WHILE the LBS was pregnant! They have it much more worse off than you, but are handling things much better.

Get help. Stop bothering your H. You may not like what I'm saying here, but right now I'm more concerned about your son. Because it's obvious you've been putting your needs before his. If you weren't, then you would be getting help for your state of mind.

There are a number of free programs too that you can check out. But check them out. If you spent as much time getting treatment as you did checking his emails, you'd be in a much better place.

[bluestar]

Rys, I'm going to say something now that you need to consider and it's coming from a place of compassion and concern. You are acting like a crazy person right now. You are letting bad thoughts consume you and worse yet you are calling your H every few minutes to tell him about it. If you don't get some help, today, right this minute, he may decide that you are unfit as a mother and have your S come live with him.

I'm saying this to you to hopefully wake you up to what your behavior is saying to the outside world. Be cautious, get some help, keep your S out of your issues.

[TrentC]

rysmom:

It is clear that you are not paying attention to the advice that is being given to you.

Your behavior will not win your husband back. It will not make your life better. It will not help your son.

You can choose to change how you are acting. You can choose to talk to a doctor about getting on antidepressants, codependant behavior, and more. Every journey begins with a single step; please take that step.

Until you do, and until you show some signs that you are getting help for yourself, we are not going to be able to help you.

[MrBond]

rysmom,

Are you there?

[old theotherhalf]

Rys,

I stopped taking care of myself (wasn't sleeping much, didn't eat right, lost 45 lbs. in just couple months, was constantly sick with one thing and another-- the physical/mental stuff kept snowballing until I was barely functioning) and started forgetting to take my ADs. When I got stabilized on meds again things got much better. They don't take away the pain and sadness, but they definitely take edge off.

I too went through the same thing. I lost 50lbs. Ended up having heart problems and had to go through a bunch of tests. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. Seek some kind of professional help. Before Mlc, and the bomb I didn't believe in counselors, or meds. Afterwards, they saved my life. And thank God, becasue as much as I love my X and my life with him. NO ONE is worth dying for NOONE! Please find YOUR worth and get help today!

If for no other reason, for your child

[rysmom]

I took AD yesterday and felt a little better. I dont know if i felt better because of AD or because i went to lawyer. I dont like taking it because it makes me gain weight and I get more dep. from wt. gain, and only seems to make me feel better for a few days. I dont like to take anything, Im very sensitive to medication. I had problems with dep. and anxiety before this situation, I wasn't able to work because of the anxiety.
The appt with attorney went okay. He said we could write up agreement to divide our assets and send h a letter stating that I had hired him, and that I want to work things out with h.but I want to divide assets. I have to protect myself and my son financially. I can't take by h bullying anymore. i need someone to protect me financially and ive heard this lawyer is a shark, he will protect me financially.
The mornings are always more difficult with dep. I have to go to class today and i havent been there yet, it started on Mon. I hope I didnt miss much. It seems like by the end of the day I feel like I can handle the situation a little better.

[old theotherhalf]

I totally understand what your are saying. I felt the same ways. I hated taking the meds and they scared me. To many adicts in my family. But I finally had to do SOMETHING. So I took them just long enough to get back off the floor and start to want to live again. They helped me alot. The key to this whole thing is "acceptance".

Have you ever heard...
"accept the things I cannot change, have courage to change the things I can, and have wisdom to know the difference." read it!, learn it!, live it!, it's the ONLY thing you can do.
rys, life is way too short to be waisting it like this.

[Andabelle]

It takes a while for the meds to build up in your system, also you might have to try a few before you find one that works without debilitating side effects.

[rysmom]

Thank for your posts. I went to my class today. it was interesting, but the prof. is a little off the wall. Maybe that's how history prof. are. He was kind of putting down some religions which i didnt think was right.
Im going to go running with my dog now. I was tempted to call h but i didnt. I just get so anxious wondering where he is, because he owns own business and can be anywhere. My attorney said h will be sorry in the future for what he did . I hope he's right.
In a way I hope the ow is someone new and not the ow that he was with originally, that did so much damage to our marriage. But if it is a new ow he will be in his fantasy, lustful world for a long time and I dont have the patience to go through this again.

[TrentC]

I was tempted to call h but i didnt. I just get so anxious wondering where he is, because he owns own business and can be anywhere.

Many of us can empathize with that fear and that worry. We've also come to understand that worrying about it does no good; he is going to be wherever he is going to be, doing whatever he is going to do.

My attorney said h will be sorry in the future for what he did . I hope he's right.

It is very likely that your H will feel remorse for how he handled things, down the road. But that's not going to help you today.

In a way I hope the ow is someone new and not the ow that he was with originally, that did so much damage to our marriage. But if it is a new ow he will be in his fantasy, lustful world for a long time and I dont have the patience to go through this again.

This is totally counterproductive thinking. You are imagining worst-case scenarios and letting them get to you. I'm not even sure what you are trying to say here -- you would be able to wait for him to come out of his fog if he's with the original OW, but not with a new one?

Please, do yourself a favor. Try to go one day without checking your H's email, or calling him, or looking for him. Spend one day on yourself.