Moving on with my life #2

[25yearsmlc]

other than visitation, why not say nothing about your R? If he brings it up again, then you tell him that only action + time = change you could believe in AND The time required, if he knows anything about addiction, is 2 years. If he's sober AND healthy in 2 years, see what happens. Til then, nothing but about baby. NOTHING else matters or can, until if and when he's clean and sober and mature. THat will take him at least 2 years b/c the program says otherwise healthy people need that time. He's not healthy.

Would I wait on my life to see his changes in 2 years? Oh Hell no, but for a 100 other reasons having nothing to do with alcohol. It's just that drinking is itself a dealbreaker with THIS guy. So it's simple to explain, and no need to go on or argue about his manipulations, his self centeredness, his abject failure as a father & husband, (did he seem "supportive" to you? OR interested in baby unless it related to HIM?? yeah that's a supremely selfish parent), and his not paying CS enough or on time, & complaining about it too, the VISITATION!!, or lack thereof, the cheating and gossiping & slandering of you, the pathological lying, the public and FB humiliations... See, the drinking was enough for the court to order supervised visits and that says enough. But if you have memories intact, I don't know what you're doing. Why is this man in your life more than the min? Weren't YOU happy a few weeks back when you didn't see him? Oh, he got dumped and now wants to feel better about himself? Since that apparently comes from external factors, you won't possibly be enough for his bottomless pit of need for his frail needy ego and he'll again look elsewhere for validation. NO woman can MAKE him happy and when he sees that again, he won't look INWARD to do it for himself, he'll go off again.
(Honey, you don't look inward for your happiness so it'll be hard to explain to him why he needs to do it, when you have not...I'm sorry, but your self image must suck for you to have forgotten the past 2 years of this man's repeated and various betrayals....)

Look, What's your goal? IF you can say it to your face in the mirror and feel it's actually based on a healthy mature outlook and self esteem, I'd be pleasantly shocked -or I'd say a whole lot has been missing from your posts. But I think your loneliness and neediness greatly cloud your judgement, and these fear based choices, sadly, will create more lonliness and pain and you'll get more of the same, in time. Nothing new on your end, so you've not changed and your once again, putting your future and your baby's safety and future in the hands of the man who has consistently failed to keep his word or make either of you his priority. I believe he can fake it for a month but when the test of time is presented, he'll resent, revert and attack you. ANd this will happen again and again, like a terribly "Groundhog Day" until he meets someone who is easier to manipulate. OR, until you take charge of your life.
Not a lot else to say but hey, if we are all wrong, let us know. It'll be good to be wrong in a case like this. But for you guys to work out, a month of decent or just plain normal behavior is not my idea of success. He has a lot to repair. Surely you know you deserve more. How will you trust this man again? If you cannot, why go thru all this? Let us know in 2 years...heck, let us know in 3-6 months if he can keep it up.
j-