She also said on Sunday that she feels like an empty shell and all she has to offer me right now is her friendship, which honestly, I'm lucky to have that! In response, I looked at her, my eyes tearing up and said "will you be my friend", she looked back, teary eyes as well, and said "yes I will". And then she clasped my hand. While she says that she wants D, she also has said that she can't imagine completely losing me, and that no matter what, she wants me in her life in some capacity.
I have tried to avoid any R talk lately, and I can still get several laughs out of her. So luckily she isn't completely cold towards me. But I just wonder if she is only trying to avoid an ugly divorce. It tends to be that sort of pondering that makes me crazy, so all I can do is stop, and focus on myself. It took me months of racing thoughts, heavy depression, and semi-insanity for that to finally kick in. And who knows, tomorrow I may relapse and be in utter despair again. But reading this board, I won't say that it kept my mind OFF things, but it kept it on the RIGHT things. Hopefully someday I'll be able to contribute, but I still have lots to learn. A huge thanks to all who have replied so far!!
