You have some very SPECIFIC things you can do. Your W has told you exactly what those are. If you are interested in keeping your M, you know what you need to do.
You can start this in a real simple way. Honesty. If you had a cig or a couple of beers, or whatever, be honest about it with your W. Dishonesty doubles the problem. You've got the problem itself to deal with PLUS the dishonesty. Your M can work out, but EVERYONE wants honesty in their M. I assume you expect it from your W?
Then you can start working on the other stuff...quit smoking, quit drinking, attend church...if that's all stuff you've agreed to do, then start doing it.
You say in your opinion her mind is a mess....well, yes it probably is. According to you, she has a husband who is dishonest to his W, has debt issues, and a teenager in the house. IMO, you should start with your honesty issues. Trust in a M is vital.
