First thing after separation, I sought professional C on my own. I asked my W if she was interested in MC. She waffled, then said no. I went ahead and sought C on my own.
My W also wanted to do some of that legal/financial stuff. At the advice of my C, I cooperated. My C recommended this because she was at the height of her emotion (anger) during this time. My C equated it to "dropping the rope" in a game of tug of war. And you are right, the tax/loan stuff is really NOT a big deal at this time.
Seriously, if there's one thing I have learned in my situation, it's that you can't effective work WITH her on the M until she's ready. That's why you work on yourself and yourself only right now. As you have already seen, when SHE is ready to talk, she'll let you know.
When she is ready to talk, the most effective thing I did was to ask questions about how she felt. You will disagree with some of what she says, and you will get mad at some of what she says, but do NOT disagree or get angry during your discussions. Go handle that emotion on your own time. You will get further along if you listen and validate. At least in my case, some of the history that she "rewrote" is starting to calm itself down. It has taken TIME and PATIENCE.
