Oh! Oh! Oh! GO DARK. Do NOTHING with him. HE does everything on his own.
Please, I know exactly how you are feeling. Tonight as I was driving back from family night with the kids and H, he fell asleep. He was up all night chatting online with OW. I couldn't help myself, I put on the heated seats and classical music and told the kids to let daddy sleep. NO! WHY did I do that? Just when I was proving to myself that I'm detached...
You don't do the same, do NOTHING for him. He's testing you. This is just a test. A man who cares does not sleep with another woman. He's sleeping with a woman ---with small kids. HE IS NOT YOUR HUSBAND, he's an alien. If it were me, I'd write return to sender on the package. Or at least I'd think about it... LOL.
Seriously, do not respond. No "I told you I don't want to talk" Nothing. You should not even tell him you're going dark, part of the going dark is preserving your sanity and the other part, as an afterthought, is how you just disappear and leave them wondering what happened to you. Don't tell him any more about what is going on with you. It's hard, but think of him as an adversary if it helps you. Remember your love for him, but don't tell him anything.
Some of what will go on when you are DARK is that he will wonder - what's up with Mila, she said she didn't want to talk, but why isn't she talking? I didn't expect her to mean it, maybe I really hurt her (guilt, guilt, guilt - all from his own mind b/c of his own actions - nothing YOU are putting on him, all his own guilt) - etc etc. Let him work through this on his own. If you come to his rescue, you will be prolonging this stage. If he thinks you are right there where he left you, he will carry on with OW. If he has doubts that his cake is not where he left it, or has grown legs, he will start to worry. By responding to him, you will be reassuring him - it's OK, I'll be here while you experiment with another woman. There is one thing to be standing for your M, and another to be a doormat. You're no doormat, but you do sometimes set yourself up to be one. (Not that I don't, I'm just giving you friendly advice from one doormat-tendency woman to another.)
