Just had therapy. She doesn't think I'm fully dismissive avoidant. (Hey, just had a keyboard malfunction and I fixed it myself yeah!)
But we did spend some time talking about the relief I feel being separated from the WH. It scares me because I really do want he and I to be back together, and I'm afraid my relief shows that somehow we're not meant to be.
But he was so critical of me during the pregnancy, every little thing, that I'm just glad I can be away from that. (What I looked like, how I ate, how clean the apartment was or the car was, everything. He was even irritated that I was using a couple of pillows to go to sleep.)
And then I also have some positive feelings about having my own place. While WH and I were together, I always let him decorate. It was his thing. I "didn't care." (This is what I'm working on in therapy-- noticing what I want.) So the arrangement, what we had, everything, was all him. Even though I took most of the furniture with me, I've added a few new things and this place is mine. I'm really happy to have a space. If we were ever to live together again, I'd really have to make sure that I had a space to make my own (without worrying about his critical eye!).
It saddens me that we had so many issues in the relationship that I didn't realize/avoided. I really don't want that to mean that we can't be together. I mean, every couple has its issues!
It just goes to show that if we were ever to reach piecing, it would be such a difficult road. I really want to do it and make it work, but it would not be easy.
So that's that.
In other news, I'm loving my thick hair. The bad part is I'm DREADING the post-partum shedding. Just absolutely dreading it. But I guess I'll enjoy what I have now!
