still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[newmama]

Thank you for stopping by, Mystik! And of course thanks always for your support CW, Piano, and Gatsby!

Ok so today's drop off (yes I will be posting about this until it becomes regulated): I met WH in the parking lot. I wasn't sure how I would act but I think he is matching his mood with mine. So I just said Hi. and was unbuckling S. He said he was meaning to ask me something...had I heard from the daycare? I told him I was waiting for a little longer before I followed up since I had been pestering but will be looking into other daycares as well. Then he asked me what time he should bring him back. (!! Did he not remember the schedule that we wrote out???)

I think it is his passive-aggressive way of implying something though. I did say that we arranged 9 p.m. but that was mostly for his benefit so he could see S longer. But that I had noticed the latest I have been able to keep S awake has been 8:15.

So WH said he would load him in the car around 8:15 because he does start to fall asleep in the car.

And then I got in my car and look over and see WH holding S, waving goodbye to me.

Then tonight I didn't work out!!! SHAME ON ME! But my best friend's H was out of town so she had unlimited talk time (in between putting kids to bed) so we talked for a couple hours! I didn't over eat so I am pretty sure I will still lose weight this week, especially since tomorrow and Wed I plan to work out again.

I was tempted to do my hair and make up to make it look like I went out but then I remembered- who cares? I do have real plans so when I really have something, I will. (I have another theory too)

OK well when WH just arrived to drop off S I was wondering how he would be. I met them in the doorway, while talking to my friend on the phone and said goodbye to her, then said goodnight to S. WH put him in his crib, came back down and gave me a fast recap of what he ate. I said something back. Then he got his mail that I laid out for him and said "see you tomorrow." I said ok, bye.

I was standind with my arms crossed. There wasn't anything rude about how I acted and I wasn't too friendly either...just brief and to the point. I was wearing a tank top and PJ bottoms that show off my weight loss and tan! lol!

[newmama]

Ok this is kind of strategic in a way. I don't know. So I am thinking about how this new arrangement and not seeing WH as much and it will really help me, sincerely, to detach. But hopefully it will also show WH the reality of what he is doing. I mean I am still expecting him to divorce me. But have 5% hope that it won't happen. (can't help the hope)

Up until now, I dressed nice and looked good in front of him 98% time. If I want to "act as if" I am moving on until I am successful at making it happen, then me looking good all the time in front of him will not look like I am doing anything different than before. He knows I still want to be married and want him back- I told him last month when he brought up D last. Therefore, he probably realized me looking good was not about dating but about him. KWIM? I blew my cover!

If I go through a period of time where sometimes I look nice, sometimes not, sometimes the house is clean, sometimes not (I kept it clean this whole time), then when I do look good and the house is clean it will raise curiosity and mystery. Does this make sense at all?

I think that normal people who don't know about DBing or follow it would be very depressed when told their spouse wants a D and act that way and the spouse could tell. There wouldn't be any game playing. When normal people move on, they change their dress and attitude and it is obvious that there is a change.

SO I am thinking I should kind of act that way for a little bit (not mopey but like I described above) because when I truly have started to move on, the change will be dramatic....go from sometimes looking nice to always looking nice, wearing new perfume, continued weight loss, relaxed happy behavior, sexy clothes,arranging changes in the schedule to allow time for me to date (well he won't know why I wonder if we could switch Fri and Sat next week or let him have S overnight on a Thurs night, KWIM? BUt that will be sincerely for when I am dating).

[newmama]

never mind my previous post! was thinking too much- I think acting 180ish is a coping mechanism and it would be the healthy way to act. even if it requires mind games.

[newmama]

maybe it's placebo effect but I just started my wellbutrin today. Whoa- I can see clearly now, the rain is gone! I mean it was like I was in a haze and I feel alert and care free! But the first day? Come on....it can't work that fast right? I know better.

Maybe it is also the combination of the weight being lifted from NC with WH.

Last night around 10:30 I was so mad but I forgot to verify where we were exchanging S today. I was mad because it meant I had to ask him! I sent a text but stated it like I was verifying not asking his permission: "Just making sure that you pick up S at the house on Tuesdays, correct?" He replied instantly with yes.

Then today he texts me to ask if I wanted to meet him somewhere else if S and I were going to be out and about. Ummm...no...I told him the house so I will stick to the plan! I just replied with "thanks for asking but we will be home. You will be feeding him dinner over there, correct?" I wanted it to be known that he will literally pick him up (I will have his bag ready) and he might have to use the bathroom (prostate issue-had it before slut). BUt I want him out. No lingering!!!!

So I wonder if he is going to keep asking me about the schedule.Testing?

The annoying thing is that I have to double check about this weekend since it is Mother's Day. I find these things annoying because if we had it all figured out, then it would be in writing and there would be no need to communicate about it. But I can also just wait and ask, no, "verify" with him tomorrow.

[newmama]

another thing- Robx's case for dating was pretty convincing. I went ahead and paid for a subscription and will start looking. If it is too much I can back off but as long as I have boundaries I think it will be fun! Sorry for going round and around...

[courageous wife]

Hey NM!

I know you said to ignore this post but this...

"If I go through a period of time where sometimes I look nice, sometimes not, sometimes the house is clean, sometimes not (I kept it clean this whole time), then when I do look good and the house is clean it will raise curiosity and mystery. Does this make sense at all?"

Caught my eye...remember, we want to show our WAS consistency!!!

[newmama]

WH knocked on the door instead of coming in...that was a first.What was funny is that I was just thinking to myself, should I change the locks yet? Or do I care?

I just informed him very very briefly that S had a bottle not too long ago and then he asked about swim class tomorrow. I told him that he doesn't have to go on Wed0 I will still take him twice per week. He said tomorrow he would skip it but that he would still like to take him in the future. He tried to start a conversation about how S loves swim class. I just said "yeah! Okay, bye bye baby!" and the whole time I handed him S, I handed him the bag and his mail, I walked them to the door!!

So I can't help but be curious about the swim class...as to how he is going to manage to drive all the way out here (40-45 minutes away), then have to go all the way back to her place and then come back here! Here is what it would look like:
leave her place at 10:30 (wake S up if he is sleeping)
leave swimming and get to her place at 12:45
feed S
leave her place and then come back here by 2

I am suspicious....I think he does not want to be at her place alone! I swear! I think it's because he has not officially moved in with her- heck his address is still this place.

And I also think he is going to come up with some brilliant idea to bring S back to the house after swimming, feed him, and then do some yard work since he is now the landlord of the house.

Man oh man, why does he have to make this sooo f-ing complicated?

Ok I am mind reading and trying to predict the future. But WH is one of those dumb intelligent guys, meaning he is dumb for what he is doing, but he is intellectually smart. Very.

[gatsby11]

Dumb intelligent guys, ha ha.

I'm just proud of you for sticking through. . . this is hard, so much contact!

Where is Robx's case? Why do I not really know who this is? Should I be looking at his thread? He's referenced a lot!

[gatsby11]

All right, just checked out Robx's post. The most interesting man in the world, heh heh!

[newmama]

I made a new single mom friend!!!! YAY! Potentially 3, but one I clicked with wants to hang out on Saturday!

I also got some winks on match and one guy looks pretty cute and nice. So I want to reply back and will when I am done with this post.

Funny- I sent a text confirming this weekend with WH because it is Mother's Day. I said that Sat still works if he returns S on Sunday at 12. He said fine. The truth is that the only reason I was asking at 10:15 at night is because I was making plans for the weekend, haha! And he replied within 30 seconds-

CW- I read your mind before I read your post- what I mean is after I posted I thought to myself- but the WASs will be looking for consistency.

SO I did clean the house up (saving mopping and putting away laundry for tomorrow but no clutter and clean kitchen) and I wasn't all dolled up but still had my hair done, make up, attractive clothes when he arrived.

The changes are permanent- I do like a clean house and really do want to keep it up, not just for a husband but for me and my son!
And it does feel a lot better confidence wise (although not realxed body wise) to look put together versus wearing a pony tail with jeans and a T-shirt.

But I peeked on mb28's thread and Allen made a good point about not acting too happy all the time when the spouse wants a divorce because it gets them off the hook so to speak. I think he suggested being "indifferent" (too lazy to go and copy and paste his exact words).

This is how I am trying to act. Even when I send a text message (about pick up or drop off) I am not using !s. He is using them half the time. lol- text messages have tones,too!

Ok and the spa party- I almost signed up for a 6 month rip off membership to get microderm abrasion done. But my common sense kicked in and I didn't! PHEW! I am sure that I come across as so looks oriented on this thing, but truthfully have not been so girly or vain ever before this affair. I swear, I have forehead wrinkles that WERE NOT THERE A YEAR AGO!!! I am not lying! And since I don't have a personal trainer adn don't want to spend hours in the gym, I will make the most of the body I was given (lose some weight but will still be flabby) and must learn how to accentuate what I got! So if a stylish hairdo, make up and cute clothes do it, then so be it!

On the hobbies side- wow, one of the women said she signed up with a hiking group and a biking group on meetup and met some cute men there. I told her- unfortunately, I like to do those things but am not an intense hiker or biker so I shied away because it must be for the serious. She said no, she was honest when she signed up and rated her skill level low. There was a range and she still met guys! This gives me a boost- I should take another look at the hobbies groups!