CL, I think you may have mis-understood me when I said Just do it. What you say are “patterns” (--fear of intimacy, fear of rejection)
I prefer to call them Habits. AND habits are not easy to change. But you know what? If you focus your mind on what you want. Fill in all the blanks and make a picture of what you want… Things happen. Our mind works in pictures.. We don’t remember words.. we remember pictures… Think about it. If you fell into a mud puddle, and later thought about it.. Do you see the words “I fell into a mud puddle” in your head? No you see a picture of yourself falling into that mud puddle. Like I said.. if you really focus on what you really want things happen. For instance..
Have you ever bought a car…lets make it simple and say you got a yellow VW bug. THE minute you drive off of the lot all you see are all of the yellow VW bugs people have. Did they get them after you did? No it’s just that you did not notice them before. BUT now your mind is focused on Yellow VW bugs…. Habits take a long time to change. But if you concentrate on what you want hard enough opportunities will pop up. You recognize “your habits” and that is a great start… in my case I thought and had the habit of distancing myself from my wife’s “activates” like I figured she did not want me in her life outside of family. I found out she was on face book. It first I looked at it as “her sandbox” and I would not be welcome there. Recognizing my habit I decided to go ahead and send her a friend request. .. It took a couple of days and there it was…she accepted me. I felt like I had my foot in the door… then later looking into her profile... I noticed that she did not have anything under “relationships” Ok so the old Doc kicked in again and I thought... She does not want anyone to know she is married… But… the new doc... Went ahead and listed on my page that I was married... AND I put her name down as my wife… Well with face book when you use someone’s name it sends a request to them asking them if it is ok… Again it took a few days but guess what? She accepted my request... AND not only does it say her name as my wife of my page… On her page it has that she is married to ME with my name….. I focused on how I wanted to break though that wall she had around her world and POP the opportunity arose...
CL it takes baby steps buddy… Look at your fear of intimacy…..take it a little at a time…Picture yourself sitting with your wife watching T.V or during one of your dance practices (when you sit down) putting your arm around her. Think how good that will make you feel and I guarantee when you do walk into the room and your wife is sitting there you will think about it and just put your arm around her… That’s it…..a little at a time…Picture your wife standing at the sink washing dishes…. And you walking up behind her and put your hands on her hips and ask her if she needs any help….. It will happen… NOW you can’t go over board and take every opertunity to put your arm around her but hey every now and then and IT WILL BECOME A HABIT NOW this does not work if your spouse does truly hate you of course but I think you and I are in a situation that our R needs a jump start buddy…………Your and my wife are still around for some reason…If they truly hated us they would have left long ago…
DOC
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
