help some advice plse..have i finished it for good

[lees]

Any news Jac? Have you decided about the contact?

[JacT]

Lees glad your ok and have managed to get the cottage ready.Its another hurdle you have come up against and got over..well done although I am sure it doesnt feel like it.
Glad you enjoyed the reading.It at least puts into perspective what goes through the was mind.
I had a counselling session today and the c said that I have to stop beating myself up focusing on what I didnt do for my H given the scale of his issues.
I am not sure whether I want him to coming knocking because I want to him to confirm our 28 years together wasnt a lie, I want to say..told you it would end in tears,I love him and want him back or some of it all.
I cant believe he has not even txt to ask how the girls are..he was a great dad.
Guess for time being I am just going to leave it be and continue with my C and looking after me.
I also want to get back to work.Youve had all that c*** to deal with.There is no-one knows what this is like..a living hell, unless you go through it.Sorry your getting hassle from someone who clearly lacks in emotional intelligence!
Thanks for asking.Off to walk the dogs and settle down for vampire diaries..hope your eating better??

[DaddyLongShanks]

ALot of times a WAS has shut off emotions for the spouse. There will be a lack of connect and a lack of empathy.

[JacT]

So in your experience daddy whats the best approach leave it, watch and wait?
It feels like a long time and I am one of those wives who truly believes he not coming back..8 months of no ctc apart from txt asking for a D is not encouraging is it?

[DaddyLongShanks]

I'm taking it from the recieving end myself these days. I had been on the WAS side 10 years ago, and what would've woke me up was an affair bursting.

[DaddyLongShanks]

You see you can't really talk to a wayward, they have their mind made up. It starts as a "lifestyle" with the one on the side, they lie to the LBS,and they get better and bolder with it. At the end they may go onto the affair partner.

What can wake these guys up is something to really shock their realm. Its why I said "affair bursting", it has had good success on this forum, and sometimes with them getting into various troubles.

[Geomom]

JacT, I feel for you, especially after 28 years. (Though being in this sitch after 16 doesn't feel any better.)

Daddy, can you point me to any threads that go into details about "affair bursting"? I'm definitely in that sitch you describe right now: H clearly hasn't been straight with me (looks like this OW might have been around longer than I first thought) and he's certainly made up his mind right now. No effort on his part at all to contact me or ask about his son since he last saw him on Sunday. I know that's only a couple of days, but this is a man who dotes -- or, at least, has doted -- on his son (who's an absolute sweetheart).

[DaddyLongShanks]

I can talk to you about those who have done it or put the work in: gman, AllanA, MrBond, LSG, OfficerInNeed . Each of the affairs was bursted and the spouse came home and over time started participating in the relationship again.

[Geomom]

Thanks Daddy, I'll check out their posts!

[JacT]

The challenge I face is the OW is feeding my H addiction.She is allowing him to dress when he wants,intimacy while dressed etc etc.He thinks he died and gone to heaven.The A has been going on for approx 9 months pre discovery and almost 10 months living with her.I think the PA started Mar/Apr.
My H has told me he still loves me and will do so till the day he dies.We had a great 28 years and he had not planned to leave us...dont believe thats what he is telling her though.