this was posted to my by corri in the ssm forum....make's sense to me and is in regard to sending the wrond message...
Quote: Bingo. There is the beginning to your answer. She helped make him feel good about himself. She made no demands, laid down no expectations. He could be himself and was not criticized for all that he 'wasn't' doing.
You, on the other hand, are sending him mixed signals. You tell him you want to feel closer to him, yet you continue to act in an angry manner toward him.
Remember, anger is a defense mechanism in our 'fight or flight' interaction with our environment. Anger is there to send a signal to whatever or whomever is trying to hurt us to STAY AWAY.
So you're telling him you want to be closer, but your actions are screaming at him to stay away. You are like a rider kicking your horse to gallop, yet at the same time you are yanking back on the reins. He doesn't know what to do, so, like a horse, he just stands there and feels all jumpy.
But you gotta be careful of this, because like a horse, he is going to reach his limit and try to get you off his back so he can bite you in the butt for all that kicking and yanking.
So which is it? Do you want to be mad at him, or do you want to be close to him?
and we are waiting for your positives...no fair of you to sneak off to bed without giving them to us.
