Not Sure Where I Am

[pearlharbr]

RedHeadWife,

Do you usually have R talks? Then I think sending an email would be good. It's changing the venue, plus it gives you time to think about what you want to say and gives him time to think about a response.

[timehealsall]

Hey Red,

I would check and see if he is in fact cheating again. You need to see what's up.

Also, you need to let this all out. You need to vent. If talking to him about the R is your usual path, then you need to do it a different way.

I would also try and initiate sex and see what happens.

I know how hurtful this all is. You question everything in your world.

We are all here for you.

HUGSSSSS

[RedHeadWife]

Actually, I don't initiate R talks very often. It's pretty useless really. Like I've said, to him everything is great & wonderful in his world.

What did you guys think about the email I proposed earlier?

[timehealsall]

You don't? Have you sat down and discussed anything in your M at all? You can't keep on pretending. Especially if you're not happy with things. It'll just keep eating away at you and you are going to have that anger and resentment continue to build up.

The email is good but will he respond to it? if so, then go for it. get it out there.

[RedHeadWife]

I've talked to him a few times & it just doesn't seem like anything changes. I always feel like I'm having to live up to some sort of expectations so that he won't leave again.

A thought just came to me. Maybe I feel like he just doesn't have any respect for me anymore. If that's the case, how do I get this respect back?

Then I think well maybe everything is "fine" & I still just am expecting the other shoe to drop. I'm always expecting him to cheat again or be unhappy again.

Just thinking out loud.

[Dr LOve]

WOW Red.... we go way back. just saw your post.... Remember what two years go when you were planning on his return? Remeber the Kamono? ((sp)

[RedHeadWife]

Hey, yup, unfortunately, we've both been here a LONG time.

Well, talked w/ him & as usual got the nothing's wrong schpeel. Doesn't think there are any problems.

Maybe it is just ME. Maybe I'm just constantly on guard. I need to GAL!!

[dday101798]

Maybe it is just ME. Maybe I'm just constantly on guard. I need to GAL!!

As far as all the A business goes and not having to worry about it again, I have one solution:

The world needs another Lorena Bobbit cruising down the highway with her cheating husbands Mr. Wanky flapping in the breeze.

[RedHeadWife]

It really is hard to trust him. I think BECAUSE of all the A's that is why I am so self-conscious and never think I'm good enough.

The thing about the A's that hurts the most is, when we got married I was supposed to now be special to him. I was supposed to be the one he chose to spend the rest of his life with and no one else & then he went & shared himself w/ someone else after he promised to cherish ME.

Last night was fine. We seemed to somewhat connect a little. I told him that I just didn't feel close to him anymore - that we need more alone time. I told him we don't even ever have any time to just sit down & talk & connect & I just don't feel as if we have been keeping our personal relationship going. It's like we have the kids & take care of all of that & that's it.

I told him that I don't want the boys to grow up & move out & for us not to have anything left after that.

Anyway, I feel kind of at peace with things right now. I'm just going to continue to try to do things that brings he & I back together. I'm going to make sure that, even if I'm exhausted, that I make sure we have some alone time after the boys go to bed. On the weekends, watch a movie together after they go to bed. Things like that.

[Dr LOve]

Red,
NOT to sound mean but I think you have issues with yourself.
You need to start working on you lady. And I don't mean GAling.
Work on your self talk girl. STOP all of this negative stuff about yourself.

Think about riding down this path on a bike, you see a rock up ahead.Instead of thinking. "I'm going to hit that rock" think "how can I go around that rock" You say " I'm good enough" that is you saying "I'm goingto hit that rock".. You are good enough think about ways you can show it..

Plan a time with your H away from the boys. Picture it in your head. Think about where you want to go and what you two will do there. and make the reservations..

Doc