You are correct with the statement you know you will be fine either way. In my opinion, you will convey this, but not actually say it, by just having a good open discussion. Does that make sense? In other words, you will have the "vibe" that you are OK either way....because truthfully you WILL be. That doesn't mean you don't WANT your M to work, it just means you will be OK either way.
You don't need to show her any actions at the meeting unless you've made a major decision, like moving or changing jobs, something like that.
I did not think my W was noticing any of my actions during our separation, but she was. Obviously she doesn't know about every single action, but in my case there were one or two specific ones she was looking for. I did NOT fulfill one of them, and we talked more about it. It was one of those deals where I told her I can't read her mind, and her response was something like "she expected me to know that without telling me". There will be some things like that and they'll make you want to pull your hair out. Just stay relaxed...we got past it.
The MC question is a tough one, so hopefully you'll get some other input on it. I suggested MC when we first separated, and the W said no. We have started MC now and it was her suggestion. Actually, it was the suggestion of her IC, but she agreed and SHE scheduled it.
Perhaps I've asked you this before, but have YOU sought C on your own? As part of "leading", I sought C on my own about a week after our separation. My W was somewhat reluctant to do that, but she did start it several weeks later. I am convinced that she saw I was serious about changing our R and sought it on her own for herself.
On the actions and words stuff, your basically not just sitting down with her and telling her all the wonderful stuff you've been doing to make yourself a better man and husband. When my W and I started talking, MY goal was to know what it was ABOUT me that made her want to end our M. I asked that question directly when we started divorce discussions. Her answers were a little hard to read into at first, but over time as we discussed, her feelings became more clear.
This is the power of the question. Questions create conversation and reveal a LOT.
I agree with setting the boundary about an open M. I have not had to cross that path. Just be careful about being "accusatory" if you are not 100% certain of the facts.
I am no expert, but I've watched my W go from saying "no hope" to scheduling our MC.
