I think the hot vs cold thing is something you can take up with your FT... But given that your H is clearly taking readings rather than being indifferent I would send a CLEAR message that divorce is NOT going to help you or his family...
Mixed messages are a HUGE step back in dbing, and yes I know its very hard to know what message to send... or how...
But one think I did learn from doing this off and on for over two years is that consistency is one of your most powerful weapons.. if you present a solid predicatable front that sends the two key messages you need to, then you are in the best place you can be I think...
1. I want to save my marriage 2. Infidelity and Divorce HARM EVERYONE involved.
I think you are doing OK keeping distant, but be very mindful of what you are saying to him ... he`s going to analyse everything... just like we do here... so you want to make sure you don`t confuse him... Make sure he knows this divorce this is HIS idea and that it is HURTING his family... Don`t confront or anything, but check everything you say against those two points, if it contradicts etiher of them, don`t say it.. its just sending a mixed message.
