Hello...I am new here. I have been consumed with reading "stories" here over the past few days and I am getting around to telling mine in hope to recieve some support and advice. So a little about what is going on with me....

I am 31 yr old SAHM to D 9, S 2, S 8 months. Been with my H (30)7 yrs, married 4. My H told me about an EA in Nov 09 that turned to one instance of PA (just kissing) but he still wanted to work it out....he just needed time and space. Well...I blew that because the EA was his employee. He did not fire her (I know...but I completely understand his reasoning some how) and swears that it is over...which I 100% believe and trust me it has taken me awhile to believe him. Anyway....I classically pushed him right out the door with my constant questioning and very mean demeanor. I thought I was the victim and did not listen when he was telling me the reasoning for the EA. I was dealing with PPD for the second time in a row and know that I was not a pleasant woman to live with.

In Jan 10 he has had enough..we fight...he says he is going to stay the night at his Dads but he might be back tomorrow. Well almost 4 months later he is still gone. We have been going to MC with no help. The MC does not care to keep our marriage together. So I don't know if we should go back to him. Anyway...things have gone to I want to work it out to I can't work it out.

He never talks about divorce unless I bring it up (stupid me...I know). And he is not saying that he is filing anytime soon. I have just started to do a version of LRT about a week ago and although he notices the changes it is not enough. He still says it is too late.

I am such a mess. I can't understand how someone could just give up. He has poured everything he has into his business to fill his void. He even sleeps there on most occasions, the other times he is sleeping on his Dads floor (not even in a bed frown ) But he would rather do that than live with me. He has said that I make him want to kill himself. He hasn't said that one in a bit...but still.

The thing is, I KNOW that we can be happy again. We have had a really good marriage up until he opened his business...then I got needy, depressed, etc....which in turn made him depressed. We had no direction when this started and I just basically lost it. I thought my world was falling apart. And as we all know...desperation is not cute. So....I am MUCH better in that department.

Anyway, I really don't know what I am asking for at this point. Just reaching out to others who know my pain. And looking for hope more importantly....