I'm taking off my ring April 9

[AmyBel]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY V1OLIN!

[v1olin]

Thanks Amy! that makes 3 women today that wished me a happy birthday today. (one of them was even my stbxw)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Violin!

Puppy

[v1olin]

Thanks Pupppy! I guess I should edit my info now.

How are things going today AmyBel?

[AmyBel]

I'm starting to wonder if I even belong on this forum. W is carrying on (physical) love affair with OW. (I made it clear that during our trial separation we would act "not married" e.g. no 'marriage rules'. But both counselor and I made it clear that spending time with another love interest would invalidate the purpose of a trial separation.)

W's requested deadline was June 9. I would be a fool to think she'll be ready to reconcile by then.

I also have no way to earn income in our home town (original plan was to become a stay-at-home-mom... thankfully, I stopped adoption process) so must relocate in order to keep body and soul together.

So my concerns are now turning to finding a job in June, protecting my possessions and bank account, avoiding things turning acrimonious and more painful than necessary.

And wondering if there is a way to keep a door open, while doing grieving. (<begin sarcasm> Happy wedding anniversary to me, may 2 <end sarcasm>)

Thanks for asking.

[pearlharbr]

Amybel,

Sorry about the anniversary. Blech.

This may not be what others recommend, but I say keep moving forward and do what's best for you.

When I was done with BF I started making plans to move out of state because that's what I wanted for my life. BF said it was hard thinking that I would be across the country and he'd never see me again. I just turned to him and said, "That's what breaking up means. You don't get a say in what I do or where I go."

Many people think you shouldn't make too many big changes at once, but I'm all for a fresh start. Especially since jobs in your field are elsewhere.

I know you want to hold out hope W will change her mind and come running back home, but are you willing to put your future on hold to wait for that?

Have you seen a lawyer yet? I would do that ASAP. It's always good to know your rights and what you're entitled to. D is the ending of a business arrangement also so you should do what you can to protect yourself financially.

It sucks. But you can choose to find the silver lining (what you've learned about yourself and Rs) and work toward making a happy future for yourself. Hey, you should get something out of this crappy situation, right?

Hugs!

[AmyBel]

Thanks Pearl,
Seeing a lawyer tomorrow. Not sure what the ask...

Talking to wife tomorrow evening (after akward event we are both invited to to celebrate my graduation with our home congregation.)

I'listen for any change from her that could change my plans . I won't hear any. I'll et her know my request: separate bank accounts. create a plan for separating house and car. create plan for separating stuff. Ask for her to continue to cover my health insurance. I need to e thinking of movin cross coutry to need to begin packing, flagging for charity, giving a way, etc.

I have three days this week (mixed in with doctor's apptments) and 4 days in two weeks. Probably need to come back in July to finish the process...

Not boring!

WaW is forlornly cleaning house, trying to accomodate my request (time to talk) weeping, and going off to be with her new lover. i'm pretty well over it...

Aw well. stepping off that cliff, even with the push from behind, suremakes you wish you'd checked that parachute one ore time!

Amybel

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You sound GOOD, Amy!

Whatever happens in this, I'm seeing an attractive, confident new AmyBel coming out of this whole ordeal!

Puppy

[AmyBel]

Well. Things went down as predicted. I'm still standing. Still working on the things I need to (lawyer, moving, etc.)

And the emotional things I need to (grieving, mostly.)

I decided to specifically open the door to a future reunion, IF she moved to be near me, AND I was clear that I was NOT working on a friendship with her right now. (She's having a really tough time coping with her decision. Keeps wanting connection, and friendship. seems kinda weird to me that she's more destroyed by this than I am.)

Who knows what the future will hold marriage-wise. I do know that the future will involve me continuing to move toward being the best person I can be.

THANK YOU to the divorce-busting concepts and the good people on this discussion board. I can't tell you how much of a difference to my well being you have made.

Thank you Thank you Thank you!

[v1olin]

I am glad you are doing well Amy!