I'm sure Coach will clarify that for you, and he's been successful. Let me throw out a couple of things for you and you can match them with what others say, or dismiss them if you disagree.
Coach actually quotes the Stockdale paradox under the signature line. I believe the Stockdale paradox is FOR YOU. You know that you will be fine no matter what the outcome.
I don't believe you need to tell your W what YOU expect. This is part of the letting your actions speak for you. And don't tell her that you will be fine with either outcome, that communicates indecision/indifference to her. Let her hear in your voice and with your actions that you will be fine with either outcome. Make sure you know the difference between letting her know you will be OK, and being aggressive or mean. I would best term this a "confident compassion". You are allowing her to follow you.
I don't know what Coach would say, but I am not so much concerned about who speaks first as much as I am about the questions you ask. Asking questions is VERY effective. If your W is like mine, she relishes the chance to talk, but you need to ask the right questions.
As an example, say you tell her something or answer one of her questions....I would do it briefly and affirming....then ask her how she feels about it. By the way, don't ask her "what she thinks about it", ask her "how she feels about it". By doing this, it helped get my wife from "we're done, no questions asked" to the point of now being in MC to see if we can work things out.
I don't know the advice Coach would give, but a word of caution from my sitch, make sure you know the difference in "leading" and "controlling"....from your W's POV.
