She has to have remorse and she has to make it up to you. If you get the marriage back you will NEVER be happy unless she somehow makes it up to you.
Making it up to you may not be grovelling or apologizing every day.
It may be simple recommittal to the marriage and recommittal to YOU. This includes all typical roles in a marriage as a wife.
Over time, the pain will drop off.
In my situation I went through 3 years of gaslighting, lies, drama and being treated worse than dirt due to her affair. It was painful and it was on me 24x7. She also was projecting into me. Screwing me over hard.
She felt a 5 minute apology with no change in behavior, no-sex, no intimacy would make up for it.
I'm also treated mean today, because she got so used to doing it to me before during and after the affair.
For mine to make it up, she'd recommit to me, apologize through her actions and sincerity to me and our situation and work to making an awesome marriage for us and the kids.
I'm also treated mean today, because she got so used to doing it to me before during and after the affair.
and you continue to let her treat you this way????? Women can't love men they don't repsect. Read up on boundaries.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
She was blowing me out then on purpose. Didn't matter if I had a boundary or not, if I did she would do it on purpose. My alternative at the particular time was to break up. This was 3 years ago that I was pushed into that corner. My sitch is a bit different with my ex-wife stirring up dissent among a crowd which is mostly hecklers now.
You aren't going to get remorse until she really really feels she has lost you for good...
And boy do you get remorse then... Read up on the women that really really feel they have lost their man on this site... Notice the remorse. It is all because of losing something you may not be able to get back. That is what stirs the feelings. As long as a woman knows you will be there for her just about any time she wants you are destined to keep spinning your wheels... Another three years, four years, etc. etc..
You don't have to be mean. You just have to be firm that you havge had enough. No more. I WILL find a woman who treats me well. There are plenty of fish in the sea... When yo do that you will be on your way. Until then, you will struggle.
Alot has gone on in your situation. Its alot of reading. My question is right now at this point, where are you exactly at and whats your current thought.
As far as I know you have the following:
1. W still in A with OM 2. OMW is going to eventually drop a bomb on OM, possibly divorcing him and putting huge pressure on him 3. W is not intimate with you currently 4. W think she wants to leave the M, is actively pursueing leaving the M 5. Your fighting for whats best for the kids 6. Your fighting for the M 7. Job issue ( god dang, getting kicked while your down ) 8. Wife opened new bank account to move her portion of the funds over to it without telling you
Stay strong, its tough. Sometimes it feels like its a conspiracy or something to see all these commmon sitches and that it seems when the spouse is at the weakest the other issues the greatest damage.
She is still having the A with the OM. She is telling me that it is over with us.
It must have been painful to write your reply - that's a lot of things to be feeling bad about. I guess I misunderstood about the "over" part that you had written.
But, you will be moving ahead in one direction or the other.
Does she say she is still having the affair, or are you figuring that out from her late arrivals and other events? Does she seem to have a guilty feeling about it? Has she ever expressed any remorse?
She is still having the A (which she says, "isn't an affair because our M has been over for along time.")because of the time she comes home and some other intel.
She apologized once, and I sincerely thought we were back on track, but the other time that she admitted the A was just "I am sorry; it is all my fault." That is it. Not good enough for me.
There has been very little remorse from her.
Her cell phone she wants to cancel for two reasons: It is in my name, and I cancelled the TMing and blocked his numbers. Also, she has a work cell phone.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
If I was a woman, there would be a lot more outrage at her than at me.
Sorry man...I promise you I feel no outrage toward your actions. She did one of the worst things you can do in a M. I got enough religion in me to know that when God talks about it, it ain't no simple thing. Do do it once on one night is something I'd have problems with - she's got a lot more invested than that.
I promise you LSG, I only mean to question things that don't make a better relationship. Those questions aren't a judgement, just a reminder that you came here looking for options and some hope. When I write, I sometimes notice my own fault, so I guess I'm a bit selfish because I hope to help myself by possibly helping another. I just hope I don't hurt too much in the process of trying to help - sorry if you felt condescention (sp?).
I figure with Luvless, TTA, and others all struggling along with me, despair is getting to me and letting lose some harsh words. I don't believe a "2x4" of insults is the way to wake anyone up. Again, sorry about that.
