Can you see the Morning After

[psluke]

Pam:

Hope you are having a good evening. Cold (for us) here in Texas.

I have not posted much about my situation...but have followed many of the other DB'ers - including you. I have read DR and DB and SSM. I did all the no-no's during the initial phase of post bomb and separation. I can promise you, that if you will employ the techniques that Michelle preaches in DB and DR, David will be more likely to relax, see you for who you are (the gal he fell in love with) and think about things. BUT - and this is huge - IMHO - you must STOP initiating any and all contact with him. I promise, my situation was bleak and I stopped completely ALL contact other than that necessary as we have 2 kids - and after awhile - month or so - he started coming around.

But I had to LET HIM GO. He recently told me that he has come to realize that he thought that I was the cause of his unhappiness....and since he has had the chance to think on his own and be on his own without me to constantly deal with, he has almost done a 180. We are close to reconcilliation, (I believe) and we talk daily and it is fun, jovial, conversation - like we used to have when we first started dating....AND HE ALWAYS CALLS ME. I wait him out.

Not talking to him for the length of time that I did was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. But guess what, it has proved to be a valuable tool for my DB'ing.

You know "they" say that the laws of physics (?) are that the more we pursue, the further we push them. THis was absolutely true in my case.

When I did have to speak to him when the kids were concerned, I was pleasant, nonconfrontational, ended conversations first, and smiled (when I could). Again, it wasn't easy.

Pam, I don't know if this will help you and David's situation, but I just want to throw out ideas for you that have helped me. Again, NOT a quick fix. No initiation of contact for a long period of time. He will begin to wonder what's up with Pam...why isn't she calling or IM'ing me? Maybe I better calll....then when he does call, you are happy, great, good to hear from you, ok...gotta run...that kind of stuff. That will be more appealing to him and keep him coming back for more - after all, it worked once, didn't it (he married you!).

I would suggest maybe printing out Keep's replys to people - I have used his advice and have seen great results so far...my husband wanted no part of me...said all of the things we have heard that have broken our hearts. Today, he wanted to show me a house that he thinks we should buy....so, something must be working.

Just trying to help - hope you don't mind.

Gotta go home and do my 15 minutes of kitchen clean-up!

Love ya!
s

Hi Cupcake,

Thanks for dropping by.

Actually the past week we have had light fun joking contact on IM. He even told me so yesterday!

But the past two days the emotions of the PMS just run riot.

I wish this would hurry up and pass or I could just knock myself out till it is over.

I know from past experience if I tried to go a month without talking to David at all I might as well just go hire an attorney now.

I would totally go off the deep end.

The first time I did it for a week and made it the second time it was over a week and at the end I called him and said let's work up a settlement.

Not one of my smarter moves.

But the light fun, not every day contact had I think been working well, as he did initiate it one day and then came over on Sunday to work on the computer.

But now I have lost all of that ground again.

That is why I'm not ever sure this will work. I keep losing more ground than I gain.