Libby, how frustrating...you can never predict what they will do, hard to count on anything they say they will do.
Please keep detached, don't put your hopes up...I dropped my guard way too much when WH announced the latest false R. And I wanted to stay detached....now I'm paying the price.
They are positive signs with your H but sometimes they do tend to peek out of the tunnel just long enough to see if everyone is still where he'd left them.
All the best...keep patient
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
libby, Please remember...time stands still for them, so the conversation he had w/you is just like he left it a few minutes ago. It's the depression that's still got him by the toes.
You are doing great! Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H visited the children this evening. No communication for a week until he rang yesterday about the plans for today as he picks the kids up. The kids hadn't heard from him either except D19. She text him on Saturday to say she is having her wisdom teeth out tomorrow. She had one text back to acknowledge hers.
He wasn't quite as animated as last week def depressed today but not overwhelmingly so. I think he has been away with the scouring pad hence the non communication and guilt in taking us all out for a meal. He is also taking the kids to the pictures on Sunday before our meal out and invited me! Woh big positIve............He parked his van on the drive again (more positive). He cooked supper and apologised for not helping with the washing up (another positive). He also stood so close he touched me on the arm again.
Bizzarely I have had an odd week. The non communication has really helped me detach from him. I really do feel detached. Today when he asked me to go to the cinema there was no heart pounding no anticipation just a feeling of 'thank you for asking'. Normally I would have been soooo pleased. If he doesn't buy me a ticket I won't mind. Boy this is an odd feeling.
I have travelled a long way on my journey since H left on his.When H left tonight he stood half in and half out of the door in the kitchen. I could feel his confusion because I think he sensed a change in me even though I have done my best to DB I actually think I did it right tonight. Even coming from work I wasn't nervous about him being here.
Long may this detached positive feeling last. Its very empowering!
Libby - It is very empowering to detach...I was there once...briefly lol. Working my way back to that place of power again.
Your H is coming around...sooo good to see...I'm crossing my fingers that he doesn't spook again.
To invite you to the movies with them is a big step I think.
Keep Detached...don't open your heart, just watch as if you were watching a stranger. Look who is preaching...it's hard not to get your hopes up but that's what I wish I had done when WH was in his last flip flop.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I appreciate your advice. I have watched your situation closely and saw some similarities in our journey.
My H OW is already seperated from her H but I believe that my H will feel a responsibility for her as he met her when her H was just leaving and she had an awful time (his words not mine).
I will watch and wait with no expectations.
Thinking of you on your path at the moment. You are doing well in very hard circumstances.
Libby - did your H's affair cause the marriage breakup for the OW? Just curious, I think that when they break 2 marriages to be together, they hold on to it for dear life so they don't have to admit to themselves that they have made a mistake and destroyed everything for nothing.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
No. OW and her H were already in the process of splitting when they met. He had already got a girlfriend but continued living together for financial reasons. Her H has now left the house and my H moved in despite having a rented flat intially.
Interestingly OW is a reflection of his mother. She was in an unhappy marriage with his father, socially isolated and financially broke. His mother died when he was 13 years and he has gone back there to develop emotionally. His mother was also in an unhappy marriage, socially isolated and financially broke.
When he left he told me he was no further forward than when he was 13. How true that is!
All these sitch's seem the same, sometimes you want to ask what H's name is to make sure it's not yours. LOL.
Mila, I think you're right, when they break up two M's, it seems like they "have" to push forward. I'm hoping my H's OW reconciles with her H, but who knows... he's a pushover and she wants a strong man, from what I can see.
