Well I'm glad your situation is better than my old one Glimmerman, where my Ex'es friends got on her about "giving in" when my ex had doubts about leaving me.
As for my present wife . . . I don't really know how her friend would handle that. I do know from conversations with my wife about conversations she's had with her friend about problems with her daughter . . . she can give some pretty devious advice. On the plus side, My wife hasn't acted on any of her friends advice on that topic, that I've noticed or been privy to anyway.
DLS: Do her friends you are worried about the most even know you? In my own experience and a friend of mines experience, the worst culprits are the friends who don't even know you. My ex didn't even talk about it with mutual friends, just the ones who barely even knew me or didn't know me at all.
Is "stacking the deck" with friends who don't know the spouse being pushed away normal?
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
The reason a MIL doesn't like the SIL and the reason a friend would tell a spouse to leave their spouse is for ONE REASON..
It is YOUR SPOUSE that is feeding the friend negative information about you to her friend. That is how it works. That is why she has an bad opinion of you and not know you. Your wife is feeding her the bad things she thinks of you. She is complaining about YOU to her friend. The friend then forms a bad opinion on you because of the information she has been given. It isn't rocket science...
You need to place the blame squarely on the culprit. YOUR WIFE. Why would your wife be talking badly and telling her friend rotten things about you? What is going on there? Any truth in it?
You are dancing all around the real issue here. YOUR WIFE. and what she is feeding the friends for information. If she was telling them you were the best thing that ever walked the face of the earth, her friend wouldn't have a chance in hell in convinncing your wife to leave you and wouldn't even bring that up.
Well I'm glad your situation is better than my old one Glimmerman, where my Ex'es friends got on her about "giving in" when my ex had doubts about leaving me.
As for my present wife . . . I don't really know how her friend would handle that. I do know from conversations with my wife about conversations she's had with her friend about problems with her daughter . . . she can give some pretty devious advice. On the plus side, My wife hasn't acted on any of her friends advice on that topic, that I've noticed or been privy to anyway.
DLS: Do her friends you are worried about the most even know you? In my own experience and a friend of mines experience, the worst culprits are the friends who don't even know you. My ex didn't even talk about it with mutual friends, just the ones who barely even knew me or didn't know me at all.
Is "stacking the deck" with friends who don't know the spouse being pushed away normal?
NONE of the females KNOW me, they know of me and some of them don't even know what I look like. They were just man-bashing.
Gucci once again nails it. In my sitch one of the old "Friends" admitted that she was being fed a negative image, so she could only comment from the information she was provided. She did apologize to me later.
But don't discount the notion of "bad friends", there are "bad friends" who will attempt to wedge a relationship, just because. They don't have to have any information at all.
A real spouse would not listen to friends comments unless they know they where in an abusive or bad relationship, if not then it means the spouse is simply playing a game.
The reason a MIL doesn't like the SIL and the reason a friend would tell a spouse to leave their spouse is for ONE REASON..
Yo, settle down there, Gooch! Contrary to your apparent opinion of your intellect, you don't exactly comprehend what I've said, apparently.
One reason I'm "obsessed" with it, is because I've "been there done that" already . . .and it is a HUGE roadblock that we SHOULD be seeking solutions to, or at least mitigating partial solutions, if possible.
And . . .as I made 105% obvious already, I'm WELL AWARE that it is HER feeding the friends the bad info. What is also clear is I KNOW that's how it works. The question . . .again . . .is what have folks experiences here been with trying to mitigate the damage. As you pointed out it ISN'T rocket science. Already knew that too, so drop the condescending crap with me, really. If you want to act superior by falsely implying I'm some sort of lovesick, possibly defective dumbass . . .move to another thread please.
As for what my is wife saying, is there any "truth to it" I get your implication, and frankly, you're off base and out of line. I haven't been there when they talk, so how in the heck would I know there is any truth to what she's saying or not?
I do place the blame on my wife, inasmuch as she IS the one consulting people potentially poisonous to our relationship . . . again, not rocket science.
And I'm NOT dancing all around the issue. I thought my intent for this thread was pretty clear: I'm seeking ideas/anecdotal experiences with ways other folks have dealt with this situation, both successfully and unsuccessfully, for ALL of our benefits. Not rocket science, here Gooch, please keep it topical, or find someone else to crack on.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
"If you want to act superior by falsely implying I'm some sort of lovesick, possibly defective dumbass . . ." Maybe thats what I am among a few others here.
Also on the negative information bit... Some of the wives do it on purpose. One of the reasons is to be on the gossip vines, and thats what they normally do bash.
Sorry DLS, but the reality is that Gucci did NOT "nail it" Stating the obvious without really saying anything helpful or even useful is counterproductive.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
Have you accepted what I was saying that there are groups of complaining wives, and others to feel part of the group may also issue their bashes, just to feel like part of the group?
Their not always trying to issue damage. Its definately REAL bad when they really are trying to cause damage.
I'll take a different approach. Don't worry about it, it doesn't matter. In my sitch, all of my W's friends that she has told about our problems...all of them are telling her to fight for M. Guess what, she's not. So it's just not too relevant. A WAW is in a different world, when they hear what they want, then the advice is gospel. When the hear something they don't want to hear, they ignore it.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I'm seeking ideas/anecdotal experiences with ways other folks have dealt with this situation.
You handle it by ignoring it. Focus on what you can control. Gucci is right the friends aren't the problem so don't even bother with them. It's very feminine to get emotional about what other people say, it's very masculine to be about your business. Be a leader, be confident, be decisive and stay focused. This is attractive to women.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
