what shall i do if and when he does contact me? and how do you guys deal with the guilt that keeps you up all night going over and over all the stuff YOU did wrong?
Just wanted to point out, clingy is not a bad thing if she wants to be all over you. Sometimes thats how a relationship is. Its just when one wants distance its not a good thing. Usually wanting distance is the start of a bad trend, unless self-progress was really slowed by being closer.
Listen until he starts to berate & belittle you, making personal attcks and/or reading your mind. Then calmly tell him you aren't going listen to him when he talks to you disrepctfully, that you need a time out, then hang up.
Him sharing his feelings is one thing, doing it disrepctfully is another. Let him know you want to hear him, but only if he can do it respectfully.
Originally Posted By: abqbelly
and how do you guys deal with the guilt that keeps you up all night going over and over all the stuff YOU did wrong?
I worked on my issues in IC, took the pieces that I "did wrong" in my M, accepted responsibility for them, forgave myself first, then asked for his forgiveness.
My mantra for awhile was "i did the best I could with what I knew and had for skills... I can do better tomorrow"
You can handle this Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
ok. it seemed that my bringing him lunch or us spending time on the weekends was helping. so are you guys saying i should back off and not initiate contact anyway? even if that causes us to drift farther apart? is that the best remedy for an extremely angry bitter spouse?
I read your sitch. That is a mean comment to make. I've made the comment about my current W myself. Didn't think she "wasted" my life, but had she managed herself differently I'd have a completely different life today.
Oh, by the way you guys don't have to "catch up" or anything with each other. You appreciate which each of you bring to the table and you will be fine. You obviously bring youth and physical attraction and the way you think, and he brings "greater maturity", the mental toughness from being an attorney, etc.
You all should stay to gether but spend less physical time with each ohter. When you are together it should be fun and quality time. Take care of your outside priorities.
I don't see an affair, just two people getting mad as they get crossed up figuring it out. Thats much more recoverable than many of us.
